Same Sitch. New Approach. Motivated. Feeling Good.

[Chris73]

Lots of crying today.

W left for 5 days in FL with her girlfriends. We stood in the kitchen this morning talking and she proceeded to go on and on about how nice the weather was going to be and how beautiful the sunsets are on the west coast.

Under normal circumstances I would be happy for her. But instead I just got angry bc I felt like she was being insensitive.

(Oh, hello ego. Hello attachment. How are you today?)

As a result of this anger I proceeded to bring up the subject of how she planned to pay for this vacation. Her mood changed the instant this question was posed. She then reminded me that we haven't separated our incomes... "yet."

I saw that venom in her eyes again. Just sitting there, right below the surface, waiting to strike. I dropped the subject, she walked away, and I walked out to the garage so no one could see or hear me cry. More than anything, I mourned the loss of all the progress and momentum I had gained over the last month. My comment will likely be the only thing that sticks in her mind as she leaves for a warmer climate.

The rest of the morning went fine. We all ate breakfast and then the kids and I got ready for church. She had planned to leave for the airport before we got back, so we all said our goodbyes. I looked her in the eyes and said, "Have a great time. Please be careful and take care of yourself." No tears this time, just a big smile. As much as I wanted to, there was no way I was going to try to make her feel guilty for leaving.

She didn't even come out to the driveway to wave goodbye to the kids... "I don't have any shoes on..."

Made it to church and had a really hard time keeping the tears back, especially after the kids went to their classes. But I think most of it is out of me now. She's out of my life for 5 days and I will try my best to keep her out of my mind for just as long.

I'm excited to be Mr. Mom and have a little more control over things this week, and it will be nice to sleep in our bed again (although frankly my back does better on the couch!). Tonight I'm headed to an the open blues jam in Philly to play my guitar and drink old fashioned's. Man do I need it!