WH came back. Piecing. Almost at 2 year mark.

[BluWave]

skyhigh, that would be nice if you started a thread. I think it's can be therapeutic to journal thoughts/feelings. I also think it helps those newly LBS (or the ones feeling stuck) to see that life won't necessarily be better if the S comes back. It also shows the importance of DB. I didn't DB well enough and it has made piecing harder. It's hard to DB and piece at the same time. I am realizing more that I have developed some unhealthy coping mechs. It's also hard to move forward and forgive H when I've got all this on my plate. Not going to beat myself up for it tho--such is life.

You mentioned he is "needy" and I think it was you that told Sara, it takes time for them to become remorseful. I honestly wonder if waywards follow some sort of trajectory or if they are all different. My H didn't go through "phases" and has been fairly consistent for the last 2 years. He sometimes says that he feels like he is waiting for me and trying to be patient. He has also said that he feels beneath me and at times not good enough. Admittedly, I keep him at arms length. Not sure how long that will last, but that is what feels safe for me right now. I can't hand someone my heart when I know they can break it.

I met this very lovely elderly woman last week and we talked about M. She opened up that she has been with her H for 40 years and they were very happy. Her first M lasted 20 years, but that was because they had children and a home so she tried to make it work. There was infidelity and I don't think she ever fully moved passed it. She said her second M is so much better, and they were both M and had kids that were adults (then D) before they met. I couldn't help but wonder if that will be me one day. Maybe in 10 plus years I will move out of this M?

I also met another man who opened up about his M and wife. Also a second M and things were better. I got the sense there was infidelities in his first M too. He asked me about my M and I shared some things. He told me how he hopes my H appreciates me, etc. He was so kind and flattering. It made me feel resentment for my sitch and my H. Ugh.

So I think I have shared before that I work in critical care--I meet a lot of older patients, and they are often very ill and vulnerable. Or, I get to know a partner who is watching a loved one die. I think what I love about my job is getting to know people for who they are. I can find wisdom in anyone--even from the severely mentally ill and drug addicted. There is something to learn from everyone. It's humbling actually; I might look like I have it all on the surface, but I know I am no better than anyone.

So I talk a lot to my patients about M. I have met so many people that have been married for 40, 50, and even 60 years. It's pretty cool to hear how they make it work. It sorta keeps me going. Sadly tho, I find in my research, that those long Ms don't have the heavy baggage that mine does. Of course they all tell me it's never perfect, however their idea of "not perfect" is far from the disasters that I have faced in my M! Sigh.

Blu