Same Sitch. New Approach. Motivated. Feeling Good.

[Chris73]

WillDo...

When I confronted my W about OM1 for the 2nd time, she suggested a trial separation. I was emphatic about not moving out and suggested that SHE should if she wasn't happy, but she refused. I told her that I wouldn't let her kick me out of my bed, so she decided to sleep on the couch.

This lasted for about a month. Then one day she came to me to request that we switch sleeping arrangements. She would take the MBR and I would take the sectional in our finished basement. She made some very logical arguments: "You get up and leave for work before anyone else is awake. All your clothes are already down there and there's a 2nd full bathroom where you can shower. If our D5 wakes up in the middle of the night she always comes looking for me so I need to be on the same floor."

I validated her feelings but told her I wouldn't change my mind. Then she started spewing (just as Sandi2 had predicted). Told me that she wanted to throw a bottle at my head. Told me that this is EXACTLY what her friends told her I would do. Told me that this just proves to her that she's making the right decision.

And I have to admit, at that point I buckled. As much as I realize that I need to "man up" in a lot of ways, it's just not in my nature to respond to that level of venom and anger with more of the same. This was not a fight I wanted to win. It wasn't even a fight I wanted to keep fighting. So I gave her the bed and took the sectional in the basement.

The next day I had a phone DB coaching session and described the entire incident. He suggested that I yield the MBR to her and stake a full claim to the basement. "Make it yours. Turn it into the man cave you always wanted" he said. I guess his idea was to turn this sleeping arrangement fiasco into a GAL opportunity. Other than the laundry room, my W has no reason to spend any time in the basement. So it's basically like we live in a duplex with my apartment being downstairs, hers upstairs, and a shared kitchen.

As for how do I cope? It really depends. Frankly there are some nights when I'm very thankful that I sleep in the basement. I don't have to be constantly reminded that I'm 6 inches from the alien that abducted my W. I have the big screen TV all to myself and I can catch up shows I haven't watched or play video games. It's a total distraction from the pain of my sitch and it really helps.

And then there are other nights when I feel so tempted to just go into our MBR, climb into bed, embrace my W, tell her that I love her and that I will keep fighting to save our M for as long as it takes. The funny thing is, as I write this I don't really know how she would react if I did that. Maybe one day I will feel like it's worth the risk, but not right now.