Just got caught up here. You have had a lot on your plate Cali. I imagine this brings so many emotions back to surface again. Although this D process has been dragged out, I hope that helps in having each episode sink in and dealt with.
I know this isn't easy for your S, but I am so grateful he has his calm and grounded father to lean on. Stay strong for him Cali. I know spending family time isn't an option for you, but maybe there could be a different way to let him know he still has his family in a sense, even though his mom and dad are not together. That feeling of security is so important to kids.
I am happy to hear everything else overall is going well. Please keep us updated and you continue to be a great role model for so many of us.
Take care of yourself M
Hey M ... yeah some emotions were stirred up, so much to the fact I was digging into old pics and it all hit me. Not the sadness that one would think when it comes to D, but looking at her was like seeing someone you used to know and realizing you do not know that person at all anymore, but there was more to it for me than just that, this thought came into my head ... "I would not even date her".
S seems to be doing ok but he knows there is courts and lawyers involved now so its raining down on his "mommy and daddy will get back together" dream. Sounds like she is doing much better with him and the relationship is healing between the two of them, I think partly because in the past year that I left she has not had OM there once while S is there. Again ... maybe OM is MIA, or just on the DL its anyone's guess.
Originally Posted By: roist
Wow Cali.
How did you answer the lawyer about reconciliation?
I am glad your appointment was pleasant or at least not unpleasant.
Over the last few years I have spent a lot of time on the web looking up knowledge and facts about M/D. Here we see people struggling to save their M and most don't. But some do. The internet is full of other examples of people that do reconcile. 10% of people who divorce remarry again afterwards.
I am just saying that your 10% voice may have the odds stacked against him but that does not mean it won't happen. I believe there is a chance that each M can be saved. I know not all will be, but every one has a possibility of reconciling. That couple just before you who are in counseling prove that too.
You have been at this a long time and I understand that 90% part of you. Actually I am surprised it is not higher. Pleasantly surprised. But you are a hood man so maybe I should not be surprised. Your advice to others here has helped them and many more readers along the way.
I think you are doing great. Only you decide when it is over.
Best wishes
The lawyer seemed to ask more in a probing way, I am thinking she was trying to just figure out where I was ... I actually kind of chuckled as I told her I have been at this now for almost 4 years, and at this point I do not see a reconciliation possibility but I also would not be shocked when/if she drops the D case. I told her I no longer have the door open to that, but if she knocked I may listen through the peep hole. My guess is when she finds out I will not have to transfer the amount I have been .... in fact its she who will have to pay .. she may very well decide she loves me dearly and wants to remain married .... ok I actually laughed typing that.
10% may be a bit of a reach ... might actually be 4-5 TBH but I really spend little time thinking about that anymore as its honestly not my choice ... she chose to go a certain path and I chose to walk my own. Getting divorced really in no way would change my life/lifestyle right now .... IF .. big IF .. she were to wake and approach me and want to save the M, or start a new R with me .. now that would totally upset my applecart and I really am not sure how open to that I would be.
Originally Posted By: WillDo
Cali, I am sad to here what has been going on. I had been away. Your story is inspirational. You are a person only a fool would leave.
Thanks WillDo ... I do not think any of us desired to be 'here' but I am really starting to understand I would NEVER have made the changes nor pursued to continue to change constantly without this all happening. I would not have learned the hard lessons I have without this. Do I still wish it never happened... well yeah, who wants to have their family destroyed over something no one really can wrap their head around ..... but I will say this... I am stronger for it.
