So Confused and Conflicted (3)

[WshIKnw]

This is your opportunity to learn new communication skills. Just like you loved your W the way that you wanted to be loved, our expectations work the same way. We place expectations on others based on the way we would do things, then we come away disappointed when our expectations are not met.

How are things going with GAL? What are you doing different these days? Have you had any interactions with your W?

My wife seems to be keeping interactions to a bare minimum. I met her at a store parking lot a few days ago to trade some of her things for some of my things. I thought she looked at me with love, but she ran away so fast, making the usual claim that she has things to do. I think she's desperately trying to detach from me, and/or has been advised by her lawyer to not talk to me much right now. I hope that if she cheated on me, that she doesn't feel like it could never work out, that I would never forgive her. Had I been a great husband, and she did that, or had she been a poor wife, and then cheated on me, then I might not forgive. But since I hadn't been a great husband, and she had been a great wife, I could forgive her. My counsel agreed with me that I should not extend any forgiveness to her during this time of separation negotiations. I wrote her a letter a few days ago telling her that I have forgiven not only the things that I know about, but also anything that I could conceive of her doing, including infidelity. I have not shared with her the letter. It's a shame that the legal process gets in the way of reconciliation sometimes like it does. But I also later saw where Sandi wrote in this thread to not give W a letter of forgiveness, because as long as she is with OM, she will not be receptive to it, or something like that. Hmm. But what if she were on the fence about OM? --which I wouldn't have much knowledge of, because I barely talk to her or see what's going on in her life. It's like she wants me to be dead to her.

GAL and changes
I haven't been doing much lately, because I've been working on the separation. I had to wait about 2 hours this morning for a locksmith to finish changing all of the locks in the house. I haven't worked out much over the past week or so because of how busy I have been, and because of how much I have been avoiding being in my house. It's so depressing being there, because everything reminds me of my wife. The friend that I had made a few weeks ago started showing interest in me again, I'm not sure why, but said he was sorry for being "a little out of touch". If I can make one friend, then maybe that can turn into more, if he has friends that I like. I know my dad and step-mom have to be sick of me constantly wanting to be around them, when I'm not at work. I don't know what I want more of, being away from the marital house or being around people that love me. I'm trying to think of things to do to GAL. I have so few interests. I've always been very introverted and wanted to work on my personal hobbies, at least since I was a teenager. All my wife needed me to do was to show a little more interest in going out and being around people we know. But now I feel like I have to change into another person to show that I'm making changes. I don't want to waste away on the computer, but I don't know what else to do. I've thought about looking into a pilot's license, to fight fear, just as I considered getting a motorcycle. I have thought that the way that I at times am very emotional, right now, I probably don't need to be on a motorcycle. So far, through this breakup, I have had one close call in the car. (Tangent) It seemed that my anti-lock brake system failed when I needed to slam on brakes. It kept my wheels from locking, but something caused my brakes to become very weak, and I had to go off the road to avoid the car in front of me. That car is 8.5 years old. I don't like the idea of keeping a vehicle more than 10 years. So, it's coming up on time to get a new one, because I don't like having to get cars repaired. (End Tangent) I've also gone to church the last 2 weeks, by myself. I don't really want to start talking to other women yet, because I don't yet have the legal right to date. But it would be nice to find some to hang out with, whether I think I could ever marry them or not.