She is engaging in an EA/PA, admits it to your face, feels justified and unapologetic, has stated she hates you.
What more do you need to see before you let her go on her journey and you begin on yours?
To me this would mean to more IC. No R talk explaining why no more IC. No more communication beyond one word responses necessary for a bit here (until you can do it without explaining, arguing, defending, attacking, trying to get her to see your point of view, temp checking, and on and on and on and on and on and on. Just stop.).
She's shown you how she is going to treat you. If you don't protect yourself you are responsible for any further harm she causes you.
PS- I like your comment about the affair. To be fair to Sotto, I would say there are many reasons why a spouse might be tempted to have an affair. But in the end they only actually happen for one reason.
To be quite honest I pretty much had let her go on her own journey other than telling her that I would not be a part of it which caused the position we are in now of her "being open to counseling". I had already protected myself, I had moved forward, I had gotten used to the idea of being without her, I HAD/HAVE accepted it. Then I stated all of this to her to let her and it caused us to move down this path. Unfortunately m this path isn't a good one either as she is still texting the OM (albeit no where near as much), and she has no remorse. With this said, all of the work that I have done with MY IC has led me to believe that the BEST choice for me is to tell her that I am done and wish for her to no longer contact me. I understand everyone here says show her with actions, but I disagree with this. I will not intentionally ignore someone without TELLING them why I am doing so...not because I owe her an explanation, but because my conscience won't allow me to do this.
My counselor suggested that based on how i felt at the end of the couples counseling today that I should make a decision and stick to it. I certainly agree with her. All this time I have truly waited to have a "feeling" that I was done, but I feel like that may not be realistic. It is probably more realistic to make the conscious decision to be done and things will fall into place after that.
This all makes sense.
I agree you can't wait around for a feeling. Actions lead, feelings follow.
When are you making your statement? In counseling? With a hand written letter?
I think following through on this and then remaining no contact for 90 days will be what this takes. After that it will still be difficult, but it does get much more manageable.
If I do choose to make this statement (which right now I am really leaning towards doing so) it will be face to face. I absolutely despise text messaging, email, letters for emotional or personal based communication. Therefore, to stay true to myself it will be in person.
