Am I in withdrawal ... will he ever wake up

[Lana_71]

Journaling
I have been very busy with my short term work at least it will cover next year school tuition for the kids without drawing much from my saving. I am still planning to travel next month back to my old state and resume work I will rent a one bedroom and manage it forward. Somehow I am looking forward to some me time on my own. I don't know how to put it without sounding awful . My relation with the girls is amazing . I feel they grown up and blooming beautifully here. I am so proud I brought them back to my state . They are learning new language and expressions ... amazing ... also our house is usually full so my sister will travel in around every month my brother is also planning for a visit. The extended family also shows them a lot of love that I am so grateful for.

On the H front not much I guess ... in mid feb I sent him an email detailing my travel plans for summer. No comments ... couple of days later I sent a msg saying I am thinking of visiting him for a weekend if he is available . In my mind I just wanted to get over this situation face to face in or out. He responded saying he was also thinking to visit after my email but traveling at the moment and first week of march might be good time to visit since he is currently traveling . I responded back with let me know which weekend is convienient as I can only do weekends this month. He said he will after he finish his travel plan [censored] . No answer after that...I guess he is not ready yet to meet me. Still running... he doesnot want to talk responsibility or provide any emotional support for his kids either. Anyway I guess we are doing fine and I am lucky I have a family that supports. I still plan to go ahead with my travels ... and rather than me planning around his schedule waiting for when he wants to be with us I will go ahead with mine and let him find out what suits him...this is something new to me as I usually is very considerate and inclusive... when he contacts me to visit I'll check if that weekend suits me or not ... if not I will suggest another time. This job has helped me so much in detaching ... I come so tired everyday and spend rest of my energy with the kids. one my things that tells me he is completely not ready is that he can't commit to any date he specify . For example he will say I will let you know on Sunday... Sunday comes and goes and a full week passes and he didnot contact me. Or I will do something on so and so and nothing happens. I used to call him on it as this is one of my triggers cause I build so much expectation on a specific date then I hear nothing and start following up. Lately I don't believe him at all ,so when he say he will do something I have zero expectations that he will . But to me it sounds so weird but why does he do that . Why would he define a specific date of hen not send a msg to clarify the delay. Is it just to make me edgy ... possibly...now I completely ignore him . I wonder if he is aware of that...

Thanks for letting me vent a bit... I hope everyone have the strength needed to let go when needed.