Ouch. Well, no you know. Time for you to be the best you possible. Own your road. OWN IT.
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I am really at a loss now. I truly don't feel like I can or should move forward with her now. Without genuine remorse, she isn't capable of doing the intraspection necessary to determine why she allowed herself to have an A.
Seeing that she is still involved with the OM, you can't move forward with her. Period. Why on earth would you even want to? Step out of the box and think about that one for a minute.
It doesn't matter if she has genuine remorse or not, as the marriage is done. Not trying to sound like an ass, but it is what it is. Don't try to read into things that aren't there.
I truly feel like I have owned my road, and was really close to 100% acceptance until this new little development 2 weeks ago. I am still very close to this 100% but I have lost a little bit of the acceptance I think. I actually believe more so now than I have in the past that this may not be a healthy relationship for me to be in (actually I feel that it won't be healthy for anyone to be involved with her until she has done the hard work mentioned below). I have done the hardwork, and continue to do it, to ensure that I never fall into the same habits that caused her unhappiness (and mine). I KNOW i am a better person, I KNOW what I need to do to be a good partner again (for someone), I KNOW I don't need a partner anymore (I would like one, but I am just fine on my own now), I have overcome the overwhelming amount of codependence, I have determined how to move forward with a secure attachment style rather than a dismissive/avoidant one.
I STRONGLY disagree with you regarding genuine remorse. LITERALLY ANY amount of research you do on this subject will clearly show you that genuine remorse is 100% necessary before any forward movement can be made between a couple. Just because the marriage is done doesn't mean you can just start a new one without the person being remorseful for their wrongdoings. Also, and I can't stress this one enough, genuine remorse is VITAL to create the intraspection necessary in the person who had the affair to help them do the extremely difficult work necessary to understand why they allowed themselves to have an affair, and how to prevent it in the future. Statistically this almost always goes back to childhood and it is an extremely painful thing to relive....without remorse there is no fuel to create that passion necessary to go through this extreme pain. Without going through this extreme pain another affair/infidelity is almost a certainty (statistically speaking of course).
