WW didn't come by. I texted to ask if she was coming and she said "Not today". So I asked when and she said she didn't know and that she was having car problems. I asked what was wrong with the car and she said "Why do you care". A bit of time passed and she said "If you want to talk we can just talk on the phone". I told her I'd rather face to face and she wanted to get some stuff from the house anyway.
She then started to soften and I saw glimpse of the woman I knew for 14 years for the first time in 3 months. She told me what was wrong with the car. I asked was there even anything she needed from the house (she's gotten most things she'd "need"). She said "A little". I asked why she wanted to come to the house then. She said "I had time". I told her she had time every day and to just be honest.
She said she wasn't sure what I wanted to hear and kept asking why I thought there was another reason. I told her it was just a hunch because I know her. Then I came out and said "You're feeling bad and not wanting to get divorced". She said "Is that what you want" I asked when she started feeling that way and she said she didn't say she did. So I said nevermind. Then she asked how I felt.
I said "Let's cut the crap. Is what I said true?" She said "I feel bad. That part is true. But we both know it wouldn't work. Us together." So I asked why. She said "I've tried to explain it before, not to mention how much more complicated it is now". I said she made a lot of mistakes and she said she was aware. She said she didn't plan things to happen the way they did. I said I recognize the things I did to leave the marriage vulnerable but that didn't excuse what happened. She said "I know".
I told her I still missed who she was but didn't know if that person was still there anymore. She asked what I thought she's changed. I said "The things you said to me, about me to others, how horribly you treated me, all the lying to me and others, the complete abandonment of all of your values, morals and self respect". She said "Everyone makes mistakes. Doesn't mean I don't have those things." I said "A mistake repeated becomes a decision" she said "I guess so".
She then was saying she should have left sooner and she woke up to a lot of things all at once, feelings she'd repressed to make the relationship work. We talked of how we grew resentful to each other from not getting what we needed out of the relationship. She said me treating her how she needed to be treated wasn't natural for me. I validated but disagreed.
So she feels bad and knows she made mistakes. Whether "feels bad" is guilt or is remorse, I don't know. She made it sound like she was interested in not getting divorced but then said other things as if it was for the best. I'm not sure if that was just defense mechanisms to try to get me to argue the opposite. It's noteworthy that she never said she was sorry. I apologized for my actions in the marriage in not giving her what she needed. She said she appreciated that but never mentioned anything about how she never tried to connect with me on my needs. Just that I had 7 years to treat her better. I don't know if these are baby steps to appreciate or just further proof she'll never change and be able to accept responsibility for anything she does since that's always been the case in the relationship.
