To my ears, it sounds like pleading. Pleading is not okay. She needs to see a strong, confident male who is not going to ask her to let him spend the night.
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Rationale: One of her complaints in our relationship was that I didn't value her thoughts - it was 'my way is the only way.' So, i'm trying to show that i do value her thoughts, which does take her by surprise. But, i also don't want to be a doormat that does whatever she says. Therefore, my response needs to be deeper than just "okay, whatever you say." By agreeing with her reasoning for me not being there, i will possibly surprise her.
Kevin, you asked twice if you could spend the night! Are you saying that you showed value for her thoughts b/c you agreed to not to stay there? That's not the way it appears in your post, and it is not the way to demonstrate value of her thoughts. It made you appear pushy. You had little choice about not staying.
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I feel that my response is a Divorce Busting opportunity for a 180. But, i need to execute it properly.
There was nothing to indicate that she had changed her mindset. So, I suggest you don't try anymore "testing the waters" for a long time.
Some things you should have done a long time ago, when she still wanted the M to work......will not be received well now. She has changed. She wants out of the M. Not all, but some things you may be itching to show her, will need to be saved until she wants back into the M again.
I'm sure that all this information you are learning can become rather confusing when you try to execute it. Don't give up. It's a lot to process when a person is dealing with what you're facing.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
