Journey to the D

[Tofbrks]

Hello DB crew,

I am looking for a little insight from someone further out for a little perspective... or anybody for that matter.

In the beginning the up/down cycles where frequent and rather lengthy. It progressed and had become better... shorter and less duration. I had a feeling of "meh" , which is ok at this stage. But this last week or so it's kinda changed. I was riding a wave of change.. of at least thoughts of change and how things where going to get better. These past couple of weeks it's changed , like it's sinking in or it may not change or turn out the way I want it too. I have a very deep rooted fear that I will be alone the rest of my life. The situation as it stands right now is how it will be ... forever

This fear I know is irrational and these times are fluid but just can't seem to convince myself of it. My sitch includes an unfaithful wife who kinda hid an exit affair and is full steam ahead with "new" life. So this adds to my angst about these fears... see I was right to leave... your miserable and no one wants to be with you.

I guess it comes down to a lengthy "cycle down" period that is out of the norm for me ... I thought I had progressed a little further than this.

What I guess I'm asking is perspective...here I am 10 months out from "im not happy" to 5 more before it's all final... is this how it's gonna stay? Need rational people to calm my irrational fears.

Maybe I just need to go back to therapy .. lol

Another issue coming up fast is D's bday. Joint party is what x will want but with her comes fat F'r.. who will be there just to "show he cares".. so let's throw all these people together for the first time since the poop storm started. It would be good to show the D that we can all get along... that's a tough pill to take guys. Is it even appropriate for om to be at a little girls bday party ? To me the x has tried to intigrate the kids into her new relationship to ease guilt or give it legitimacy ... at an accelerated pace to me. So the party will be just one more example. Should I branch off and celebrate on my own or take one for the team and do the together party???