my wife can't decide (II)

[Vanilla]

Nothing I did made any improvement, some things just made in house much worse.

So I generally aimed to do what was best for me. If I needed to apologise then I did so. Not sorry, but I apologise you feel that way often went quite a long way to defusing the rages.

Often even if I believed I was in the right I would apologise, not for something I had done or said but as a validation that the Giggalo was angry or upset.

So I apologise that you feel angry is very validating. Thus not apologising for what I had said or done but for its effects on the Giggalo.

The other has a right to their feelings and thoughts. To do as they please, it's up to us to set our boundary on acceptability. The stronger my boundaries the more the Giggalo raged.

So you can say " you have the right to feel that way" and "of course you have the right to do that". "I can see Xy boundary is upsetting you".

Sincerely use and not but, but is an invalidating word. It's very easy when apologising to invalidatensure another's experience.

So when apologising say "I apologise for my comments the other night about xyz, it upset you". Then STFU. Truly STFU is a wonderful thing. Any version of "I apologise but...." is invalidating.

An apology is for you and the effect it has on you. An apology is strong not weak if done correctly.

Just my thoughts

V