Finding ME again

[Courage]

Slowly the fog is lifting. I'm starting to feel more free and less bogged down by whatever this divorce process has done to me and more excited about building whatever life I want.

I day dream about going back to school.

I think about redecorating the house precisely how I want, actually putting things on the walls that reflect ME rather than having them bare and reflect stbx. I want to make better use of the spaces in my home that are unused or just for pretty's sake. Living is beautiful and I want every space to feel comfortable, lived in and welcoming to ME (and of course others).

I'm meeting new people. I reached out to a woman on a local political Facebook group of which I am a part and we are meeting for lunch tomorrow. I've never met this person face to face but we are of the same mind and when she responds to an article or the news as posts in our group, she takes the words right out of my mouth. It's uncanny. So, I'm excited about that.

I also reached out to a woman who offered to talk with me about her path in social work. Since I'm considering going back to school (and with that comes a lot of self doubt, belief that I'm too old for that, fear of failure, worry that I can't afford it, etc) and her offer just fell into my lap I figure I have nothing to lose just talking to her and I may even gain a mentor in the short term.

My daughter's behavior at school is ramping up again which causes all kinds of insane anxiety. There's something about February and the springtime part of the school year. The last three years she has been generally fine until this part of the year and then BLAM-O she just turns on the crazy and gets in trouble daily. At the moment though, after all the schools we have tried, all of the things we've considered... worst case scenario is I home school her using some online program where she can work at her own pace and integrate some high school / college material as necessary to meet her level of curiosity. We'll flesh that out one day at a time.

^^^ see? Even that right there, the paragraph right above... did I really just do that? Did I really not just dwell for days worrying about what could be and instead realistically decided that right now worrying about what we'll do in two months is not worth ruining my lovely evening?

I also want a whole new wardrobe. LOL I realize that's probably frivolous but I feel like with a new beginning, a new life, a putting down of some serious baggage... I just want to feel as new on the outside as I do on the inside. Maybe I could lose 5-10 lbs first though, that might be a good idea.

I want to plant flowers and repot plants and get new carpet inside my heart and inside my house.

Upward.