In the UK- PT22 - anyone for a glayvar?

[NDY]

Ok mate, lets go through this as best I can.

Remember the thread where you stated that you had dropped the rope? Ok so you told us this. One, you told her you were upset that she had been on a dating site. Know what this tells her? you are still attached. Because you were upset. Second, she mocked you about "being separated"and knowing what that means. At the moment I don't believe you do know what that means. Sure you have done some excellent GAL but really mate you are still there for her when she clicks her fingers. Take your b@lls out of her bag and take ownership of your manhood.

Hi NDY/Rd

RD - long time no see! Hope you're doing fine in the Republic.

I'm still gauging this manipulation thing. Yes, I wasn't going to take her, but she started to pull some strokes about getting somebody else to look after the kids. Whilst I know she wouldn't (deep down), I couldn't allow that to happen. I also wanted to see how she was actually coping. To answer that last question, not well. I can't imagine how much debt she is racking up. Cars, beauty salons, cosmetic surgery; it must be huge.

Manipulation? No, she's doing what she likes and she knows good old Huddy will be there to do her bidding. Where's the loss? Where's the taking responsibility for her actions? There isn't any. Not for her. She did what she liked and you comply or be damned as far as she's concerned. Can't you see the disrespect here? And you missed a trick to lay a boundary. Let me explain. Just a few weeks ago my ExW text me about how she had booked a trip abroad with S11 at Easter. I said fine, but in the future you need to agree to dates before you book. I didn't say why. Didn't need to. 2 minutes later she asked if it was ok to take S11 away in the summer for EXMIL's birthday.I said this is ok. And another text to confirm that I was ok with this. Boundary set, consequence realised.

Of course I'd have her back - hey, that's why we came here, but maybe I'm not getting it across that I have changed and it would be different. She'd have to convince me that she actually wants to come back and I don't think she's anywhere near that place.

No she's not in that place. Why would she want to come back? She's living it up right now with no real responsibilities to worry about. Acting it and actually living it are two different things. And I don't believe you are living it. You'll understand when the penny drops with you.

Yesterday, she texted me to go over and see her with the kids. I was picking SD up, so that wasn't a problem. She had applied make up, and done her hair. She told me she was upset that I hadn't replied to a text she sent me on Sunday. I didn't think it needed and urgent reply, so left it and then forgot about it.
Why? To send her a message?

Wrong message mate. Indifference isn't the same a deliberate rudeness. Think about it. Reply to her messages but in your own sweet time. Ignoring them (or 'forgetting' them. Sheesh you didn't forget) Sends the wrong message. That's not the same as being too preoccupied to answer immediately. She doesn't appear to be totally bat [self censored] like Irish's ExW.

Today is my birthday and she sent me a text wishing me happy birthday. I sent a simple reply saying thank you. I'm not pandering, or getting any expectations, but there is a change. I just don't know what.

I got the same. I didn't send her one. No expectations.