CaliGuy and Bttrfly - great posts. Thank you for the reminders. I just wish my heart could accept what I know in my mind.
I am sorry you both had troubled childhoods. Thank you for opening up and sharing your experiences with me.
I thought I resolved the issues from my childhood long ago. Or at least made peace with the fact that it was far from ideal and my parents did the best they knew how. As my marriage and other adult relationships hummed along, it all felt like it was safely handled and put away. I had no idea that lurking deep inside was that abused little girl. All it took was something traumatic to wake her up. Now she has taken over.
She feels unloved and scared. Scared of so many things. Scared that this is all her fault, that she is "bad," unworthy, and unloveable. Scared the world will find out she is despicable. And the proof is in how her H treated her. He found someone loveable, empathetic, and everything else she isn't.
What's also so scary is someday maybe her son will find out. Her son will hate her. He will love his father more. He won't want to live with her and he will wish she wasn't his mother.
My heart bursts with love and pride when I think of my S. I love him so. I've already lost one love, I can't bear to lose another.
