My wife and I were still getting along very well, having sex regularly, spending time together, and so on. Then she just left. It was too easy for her to give up.
I admit I havent read everything in your threads. In starting back from the beginning, I noticed this excerpt. Please see my comments below:
She left on December 28th. A few days later, she wrote me a long email, a massive list of 17 general things that she complained about.
In reading through this, there is a lot that made you seem like a child to her and not a partner. For example: - laziness about helping with chores - too much time on the computer - lack of life skills, like cooking; - unreliability/lateness; - said I was weak physically and mentally and whiny;
Then, on top of that, it sounds like in addition to not feeling like equals, it sounds like she felt that you believed her to be inferior. For example: - complained that I was sort of mean about her appearance in that I didn't show enough sexual interest in her - she said I didn't want her to think much of herself - she complained of lack of sex
To me, though, this quote of yours really sums it up:
Originally Posted By: WshIKnew
That told me that she had done a lot of looking for things about me to hate to help her build up her wall of hate.
Rather than being introspective and examining yourself about these things that she pointed out, your line of thinking was that the things she was picking out werent real; that these are normal traits; or that it isnt as bad as she says. Im not saying you need to change every one of these things. But in my mind, it doesnt sound like she 'just gave up' one day. To come up with a list like this, I think it had been brewing for a long time and you didnt notice it. I'll admit, I was the same way; I had no idea at BD - and then a few months later I was divorced.
My advice to you would be to start over with a Beginner's Mind as it says in DR. Relook at your situation through your wife's eyes. Relook at yourself from that viewpoint. To me, it sounds like you have a lot of work to do on yourself before your relationship could be successful anyway.
