So Confused and Conflicted (3)

[Georgiabelle]

WSH,

I don't post much in this section as well, it makes me sad. First, I am so sorry that you find yourself here. It is a terrible, difficult thing to go through. However, if you are willing to really listen and step back, you will find this board amazing. Hence, why I am still here 3 years later. You are also receiving stellar advice. We all like to think we married the special unicorn and our situation is different. I know I did. I can be super stubborn and I remember thinking, "these peeps are crazy! X Mr. GB told me he loved me before BD and during so we will just work through this." That wasn't the case, however, I am most grateful I found these boards a few days after BD. Why? Because they have helped me in so many, many ways. These situations all have unique elements, and are essentially all reading from the same script. In the words of Mrs. Blockhead from Charlie Brown, "mwak, mwak, mwak."

I apologize in advance if I sound snarky or rude. I occasionally write stream of conscious so I certainly have been in your shoes as we all have. Your wife left before BD-she just finally decided to let you know. I also don't buy the term "lured away>" Your wife is a grown up and apparently made her own decisions. And as some wise DBer posted, her actions tell you that she wanted to be away from you.

Is there hope? Of course there is. I believe 18% of people who divorce remarry. I know you aren't D'd but just giving a bit of perspective. For all intents and purposes, let's just say she is gone. Because regardless of what happens, the old M as you knew it is kaput. I know you want your wife. However, it appears she is wanting something else right now. Sooooooo, what should you do to make your life better? Because maybe she comes back and maybe she doesn't. Or maybe she come back 15 years from now. You need to live in the interim and live well I suggest.

You aren't being dishonest by living your life. I have 3 kids under 13 so I understand that friends change in life. What is something you have always wanted to do? I am rather outgoing so going somewhere by myself is actually rather "freeing." I have my kids about 90% of the time and I enjoy them immensely. However, I do need to recharge to be a good mom, friend, and human being.

You may never figure out the whys. I fully relate to that feeling. However, there will come a day for you (I hope) that you say, "I did the best I could with the tools I had and so did she. I don't know why x happened, but it happened." And realize you can't control the outcome. We have so little control over anything in our lives except how we react and interact with others.

Hang in there.