First time post feeling lost and confused

[dodog]

So here's my story
Been married for 7 years together for 10. 2 children 5&1. I have found out that my wife has been having an ea since December and this resulted in a one off meeting where she committed adultery.
She says that our marriage is over and that she has been unhappy for 2-3 years and that she is spent. She has tried to love me but she no longer has those feelings for me. She I her words has checked out..

In January we were not getting on and I said look this can't continue and she said that she was feeling smothered and she needed space and wanted me to move out so she could figure things out. She also suggested counciling. I agreed to move out but this was very hard I missed my kids so much that are my world so came back home after a week. Counciling didn't go to well for her she was reluctant to open up and all of the things she said I needed to do I acted upon and tried to change. It seemed to be a box ticking exercise. Then I noticed she was being funny with her phone taking it everywhere. I confronted her if she was doing anything that if I was she would be hurt by she said no then the following week has this night with the op. I found out about it the following day as her iPad displayed a message that didn't make sense. I confronted her and she admitted to adultery.

Infidelity has always been a deal breaker for both of us her parents divorced due to affairs when she was only 8.

I have done all the things I shouldn't have done I have begged pleased followed her round etc. I am now doing no contact.

My wife I believe is actually suffering from depression. We moved into our dream home 3 yrs ago to be close to her mum. Her mum moved about 12 months ago and this devastated her. I tried to get her to speak to her about it but she wouldn't as it would change anything. She never wanted to return to work after our second child. Our newborn is a handful always on the go and had a few scares when he was very small. She also has a lot of hidden issues about her childhood which the c did start looking into but the reaction my wife had to this shaking and crying the c stepped back. Back in November she joking a direct marketing company and through herself into it by doing live videos every night for weeks. This then stops and then see has the ea. this I have been told has stopped and now she is focusing on us with the idea of divorcing.

She is rewriting the history of our marriage by saying that she thought buying our house would bring us closer together, having our youngest would bring us closer together.

She says that she can't see a future with me.

I know I haven't been the best husband I do tend to put myself first, I may have lost sight of our marriage but she has never mentioned once that she was unhappy and now drops the i want out bomb without even trying.

I really don't know what to do. Today is our 7 wedding anniversary and I'm feeling pretty low. I'm trying the nc apart from the children and I need to gal which I will still try to do but it is so hard.

I don't even know what I want this is still so raw as it is only 3 weeks ago. I know that I have so many times under my breath if we didn't have kids but now that I am staring at it I really don't know if I should fight for her or give up.

If it is depression then going by the time scales for things she does then it seems to be 6-8!weeks cycles that she throws herself into things then it stops.

I am currently out of the family home as I just need to gather my thoughts in in the uk so no issue of abandonment and I have a view of moving back full time in 2-3 weeks (business trip coming up)

I'm just at a crossroads I really am I don't know which way to turn. I know I need to detach but I'm in limbo I hate it.

Some advice would be greatly received. I am reading dr currently and do have db to read but the attitude she currently has I feel that there is no way of saving this