That's really fair, and logical doodler. I read about the people on piecing, even those whose spouses were remorseful and it's really tough to forget.
In my case, I still have no idea if there was any infidelity. And it doesn't matter anyhow cause husband doesn't want back. He seems to want to be friendly though.
My son was telling me how daddy said it was ok if I went with them to some Waterpark near them. I tell son, "no. Mommy and daddy don't do things together any more"
The friend thing is hard for me. I feel like it's telling him that his decision to end our marriage was ok and the right thing to do. The DB coach felt that the only chance at salvaging a marriage was by building a friendship and then letting that lead to more.
I don't understand how people look past their hurt...unless their spouse came back and was completely remorseful.
As a LBS who lost so much pride and self respect during those early days, it is really hard to initiate or trust or accept any type of olive branch. Even one that seems to be made for coparenting.
Sometimes they seek "friendship" because it makes them feel better.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I think for me to be his friend gives him legitimacy in his unilateral decision to end our marriage. He sees it as a marriage that just didnt work out. He does not own up to leaving a wife and special needs son with is in laws to take care of.
I've often asked myself the same question. After all she has said and done, she wants to be friends for the kids sake...its always that guilt argument. Not sure I can. Not at this moment, anyway.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I'm in no way friends with my ex, but we do coparent and occasionally spend time together with our D. How do I get past the hurt? I am pretty far out an dI have no feelings towards him. All feelings have pretty much gone away. I don't care about punishing him anymore, the only thing that concerns me is our D is happy.
You aren't there right now, you may not be anytime soon. But don't worry about being friends.
They use the kid argument and all these therapists get on board.
Yes, yes they do. They know what they are doing. And they pitch it to anyone/everyone who will listen.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I think the real problem from our divorce system and culture stems from the dads that leave their families...
I know for a fact that my ex would not have paid fair amount of child support without court order. What he is and will be paying is not enough. He left us with nothing because he supposedly was building up credit card debt.
Now because of dad's like him, the courts try to set rules so these left behind mom's with small kids don't need tax payer monies to support their kids. (But I guarantee that the laws aren't set up to make it truly liveable for these left behind moms)
And then some messed up wives that want to break their vows and committment and obviously have no concern for their families exploit those laws and often F. Over the dad's that truly want to be their for the kids and have been out their providing for their families.
It should really be about proofing who the walkaway, cheater was. But not so.
Ginger, I am sure it is still early for me. He is trying to be friendly and i am still hurt. And I never want him to feel that what he did was ok. Because it wasn't. Maybe in the future at a time when my life is easier. I resent him for my struggles.
