2017 - New year - same MLC but I'm moving along

[Irish M]

Hi everyone. Monday the start of a new day and messaging continues.
Nothing over the weekend so I'm sure she won't message while in the company of OM.

Hi bttrfly. Yes there is a part of me that would love to scream at XW, tell her to wake up and be a mom. Be half the mom she use to be. 1/4 mom would even pass. She was amazing and I had so much respect for her. Stared at her sometimes in awe. Toughest part in all this.

Hi Peace :-)
Yes she has shown more progress. Is it because she shes me drifting away or is it because she is waking up.
MLC is tricky and months ago I would of fell hard for her games, if that is what it is. I'll keep my course and see.

Hi LT
yes it could be a start of her coming out. Then again I was here a few months ago with similar feeling. It was a touch and go, or maybe a pre coming out.
I'll listen to what she has t say and keep it light. I'll keep my comments to a minimum.
It's a better feeling this way as I can pull away when ever I feel I need to.

Hi KML
My XW was a happy go lucky. She would light up a room. People that met her said I had a fire cracker. Not too many lows. The lowest of lows was just before MLC hit. she would retreat to our room and watch netflix all day. Say she was tired and no umph. Then all this started. Now I don;t see or know what she does. If she has downs now I am shielded from it. Thank god.

Hi Cali,
Yes she went into detail so I know she reread it all. I could barely read it again as it was written in a time where life was just starting for us. Her praise for me and love shows in this journal.
If she's poking out she is looking at a lot of my life. I'll explain lower down in my post. If she can fight to get her life somewhat normal again and stay the course. I know the girls would let her into their lives. They both have their to do list for her to get there.

now for my update:

Message today was early. Just as she go to work. I was working from home this morning so I did catch it early and waited 2 hours to reply.

Sorry I couldn't message you before, I am very busy at work. There are a few problems to fix here and if I want to keep my job I need to be effective!! I also have a therapist call via skype for an hour.

Your last message seemed cold as if you are protecting yourself and will be defensive. It reminds me of when we were together. I'd not say everything and I am afraid to tell you things or talk about them because you will judge me. I'm afraid that you will get mad. I'm afraid that I will let you down.

You should be with someone who you deserve. I hope with all my heart ( Lady's name ) can meet your expectations and be the one.




Now I read this message a few times. The Lady who she is referring to is a great person and close friend. I have been seeing a lot of lately. FB is private so only my contacts would know of her. Dating phase, not moving in, she is not meeting the girls. We are simply enjoying each others company and we will see where it goes. For her to write her name was a shock. Then again they watch us more then we watch them.

As for her rant on me getting angry or upset. I don't think I will since I've heard it all before and seen more than I wanted to see in the first few months. Hurting my girls was the worst thing she could ever do so anything else wouldn't make me react.

I replied.

upset? nothing else could make me upset. We are where we are. we can either go forward or turn in circles and achieve nothing. It's up to you. As for you feeling I would be defensive . It all depends on how you communicate.

Do you think |I can hand write the girls a letter and mail it to them? I'm afraid it will upset them? What do you think?

Sure, no one ever stopped you or your family from reaching out to them. It will be up to them to read it and reply.

I will write to you later as I am in a rush.... you are free to accept me or not :-)

no reply needed from me. No new messages.

I did talk to the girls about the letters. They both said they will thrown it away. Want nothing to do with her. Now do I read it to them or just step back.

I will be honest with you all. I'm curious to read what she has to say.
her 7 emails to them over the 18 months has been nothing but ME ME ME ME...Telling them they have no choice to respect her. That they need to get over it and see her. She wants to see them at the local coffee house and talk. That they will never meet OM. Usually these come around mothers day and Xmas.

We will see if she writes them, we can start with that. I hope she does.