In the UK- PT22 - anyone for a glayvar?

[NDY]

Alright dude? Not much traffic around here so I thought I'd post here rather than in private.

So I met a lot of new guys over the mainland Europe trip, and one of them would be more than welcome here. His story is way worse than mine. Poor guy is in a real [self censored] storm with his ex. And he's much younger. Anyway I had the usual talk with him and it's clear he's never been to this site nor read any of the books. I could tell without mentioning any of it that he's no clue as to this stuff. Anyway after about half a hour of convo with me telling him about what I've learned from this place that his eyes started to light up and his attitude changed. Sure, i'll give him the proper low down later on but everything I said to him just resonated. Not because I've been through the big D but he started to realise that he needs to drop the victim card. He didn't cause his situation and he's not to blame for his STBXW's affair. Not by a long shot.

Anyway my reason for bringing this up is this. After our chat he said almost too keenly 'would you take her back'. I won't go into what my response is but I'm willing to bet the vets here would have been proud of me. And he couldn't believe what I was saying. Because it was completely different from how he feels. If she said tomorrow lets get back together he would say yes. No effort and no remorse on her part. Just forget about the last two years and continue as nothing had happened. And so would you if your W did the same. Am I right? of course I am. And that's the point. She knows this just as much as that poor guy's STBXW knows it. So they will exploit that situation as much as possible. Your STBXW is doing that right now.Remember when they said they need to feel the loss? Well it ain't material loss that's for sure. It's not about money. And if they don't yearn to not loose you (coz at the moment they havent) then they can do what they like while you just hang in the shadows hoping for something to change. Nah mate. Not a way to live your life. Go on your journey happy and confident and if she wants back you will soon know. Right now in your mind this is nothing but a falling out. A big one but a falling out none the less. Well it's not. It's way bigger than that. Move forward.

Two ways to go here, so, might need some input!
My W has gone for her second round of cosmetic surgery today. I have dropped her at the clinic. This is a normal piece of manipulation by the MLC'er, or, I'm just being my usual self (nice). I have the kids for the next two and half weeks, so I also have W's new car.

On the way to the clinic, we chatted. No R stuff. It's the most conversation we've had for nearly two years. It was friendly, and she even laughed at one point. She seemed genuinely interested in my convo. Again, could just be manipulation as I'm dropping her off.

It's not manipulation. It's just a conversation. Don't end up in the friend zone.

The only time she got prickly was when I asked what she was having done. She claimed she is having her scar tightened, but the recovery time isn't long enough, but it does match the time for a boob job.

So what. She's either in MLC or self conscious about her body. Or perhaps she really wants a boob job for another reason. It's her body. Let her get on with it. You don't need to support her decision. It doesn't matter what the reason is.

I can see that it is full MLC at work. Whilst I was at the house, she went to the toilet, and I overheard her talking to herself about not feeling old etc. She also relayed that one of her clients (hairdressing) had died at 65 through ill health and that she wasn't much younger (13 years actually!). I also noticed she has multiple credit accounts with department stores and car companies, so I guess that is how she is financing her spending.

Feeling old is normal. Denying it is also normal. Let's not over complicate things. I still feel you read way too much into what you see and hear from her. You're still holding onto that rope no matter how much you think you aren't.

She also mentioned that the council would now be leaving her in the homeless house, instead of getting her something bigger. My D had already told me this, but she also told me that 'Mummy had to decide'. Hmmmm......is she poking my buttons to see if I react?

No she has a housing problem she needs to deal with. You don't so unless if affects the kids butt out. Not your issue. Let her pull on her big girl pants. You aren't there to rescue her.

SD is also coming to stay, so W will be completely alone during her recovery time. Whilst normally I would say this is manipulation, how can I move the situation on without communication? Not sure if this is right path.

Fine. Let her be alone. Dude if she wanted you there you would know. If she wanted to talk you would know. Neither of these things are happening.

Let it go dude.

Just let it go.

Peace