Sara, I don't know how you do it sometimes. My H came back remorseful, ashamed, and asking for forgiveness. He saw an IC the entire time he was gone and after, but honestly I think that guy made it worse. That's my opinion tho. He read books. We also went to MC for a year when he came back. I am the one that wanted to stop, the constant triggers were just too painful, I needed a break. The difference with my H is that he felt guilty and ashamed all along. He must have felt entitled to even have an A, but he never made excuses, and from day one he said that he knew it was wrong, it was a mistake, but that he couldn't help how he felt. I could see his conflict all along.

I don't know what I would have done otherwise. I still struggle with forgiveness. I still have resentment. I don't know how you couldn't also! I guess your biggest test is time and patience. Things will keep changing and you can stay the course without acting on your emotions. As time goes on, yes, I think you will need to see his remorse. How can you truly fall in love again without him being sorry for hurting you?

Maybe don't get ahead of yourself. This is a marathon, isn't it? You have chosen to honor your vows, M, and family. You are working on your positive changes and you will have those forever. He will find his way too. It sounds like he is going to need a longer, slower process. I hope he can get there.

Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela