where to begin or end? #2

[jade]

Thank you for your response vanilla. Im sorry ur in high conflict. I did have typo in earlier post, i have one son, one daughter, not sure why i made it plural on my son.
I asked my IC if she knew of any divorcing/single dads groups. She did not. That would be nice, be able to vent and hangout with people going through similar sitchs without the risk of attraction. None of my social circle have gone this far down the rabbit hole, they all wonder why im still on this path of hope and have waned in their availability for support, even my close family. I truly have been feeling very alone and unsupported in this.
I do think i made some huge breaktrhoughs on seeing how my actions may have given my wife her reasons to end the marriage, granted i do believe she was looking for justifications, and i handed them right over in the beginning, because i truly felt she would have at least given our marriage a shot.
Im not sure if ur advising me to file for S or D at all. And if i did im not sure what my motivations would be, file for freedom, file for protection, file as a 2x4 for her... Or even the reasons i havent filed, putting it on her, out of pure dedication to our relationship, stubborness, fear??? I still beleive in my marriage, i believe in my wife being a good person, and i believe shes caught in a fog. So i sit in limbo not sure where to go or even if i can.
I swear all of this is turning me batty