When you say that I've lost her, are you saying you don't think she's ever going to come back?
I don't have a lot of time at the moment, but I want to briefly respond to your question. I do not know the answer, nor does anyone else.
It is possible that she returns at some point. Perhaps after you invest in your growth and get yourself to a happy and healthy place. I cannot emphasize that enough. No matter what happens with you and your W, it should be your objective.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa