Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 9

[Matrix]

"Honestly it has more to do with my own selfish desires. I want a nuclear family. I want a strong and healthy marriage and will go to the gates of hell for it. I have enormous flaws as does my WH and I have had to do a lot of painful introspection in this process. The fact of the matter is, I have very poor impulse control when it comes to feeling anger and I have to find a way to control it. I am still puzzling over this. Is this rug sweeping or piecing? Sometimes I am 100% sure we are heading towards piecing but then there has been NO talk of the affair or WH's atrocious behavior afterward. So I am left to kind of stumble along. I am in territory I have never been in before"


Sara,

I hope you take my comments in the manner that they are intended. I have not shared 90% of my sitch on these forums. Mostly because nobody would believe it. I don't even think Hollywood would buy my story because it is simply too unreal.

I can tell you that based on the above quoted comments, you are MAJORLY rug sweeping. That might be OK for now, but you need a real dose of the reality that is coming.

As you get closer to your WH in the coming weeks, months, maybe years, your anger will grow. The more comfortable that you become with him, the more resentment you are going to have for him. Just ask BluWave or read her threads.

When our WAS are away from us and seem to be out of reach, we would give anything to just have a chance to even begin to piece or reconcile. But the truth is, once they do come back, the anger, bitterness and resentment starts to grow.

In order for this to be a true reconciliation, your WH needs to pour open and be remorseful. He needs to be able to answer any question that you have. If you both just go through the motions and try to the next day, you will not make it.

I am not telling you that you need to confront him or put a bunch of pressure on him, but you really need to to rip this whole thing open at some point. If you rug sweep for the sake of "saving your nuclear family", you will go crazy and be miserable.

The only thing that I would honestly advise against is asking for details. I think most of the time the man wants all of the details about his wife's affair. Whereas, women don't really need all of the details about their husbands affair. They are usually more concerned weather he loved her or not.

Just be careful if you want to know details about times, places, positions, etc. Once you know these things, you can't unknow them and they will stay with you for life.

Hang in there and don't make any sudden moves to scare the squirrel off. But please read everything I wrote and take it to heart. I have been through it and it was the worst hell I could have ever imagined.