skyhigh, do you have a thread? It would be nice to read more threads on piecing, and I know we need the support too. There is a lot of assumptions that most DBers don't ever make it to piecing, but I also think that is when people stop posting. I know I don't visit here nearly as much as I did when H first left.
SBJ, thank you my friend. I am glad that my posts are helpful. Honestly, I got so much out of this site when my H first left. I would read here daily, and while I didn't post, it helped me not feel alone in what I was going through. So I post here in part to "pay it back" and also because it helps me to process my own sitch and feelings.
trumpet, wow, thank you for saying that I am inspiring. I certainly don't feel that way! In fact when I read the other posters' struggles, it tugs at my heart strings, and I can relate. I actually can see now how I messed up all the time. It took me a very long time to let go of H and start implementing the DB principles. And I don't think that it was my effort or work that brought him back. I actually think he would have come back anyhow--as we have talked about it all, I can understand that he had shame and regret for the A and for leaving from day one.
hawker, thank you. I follow your sitch too. I think you are very level headed and I admire you. I think you are going to be fine with or without her :-) You are much better at DB than I ever was.
jujuB, thank you for stopping by. I have been thinking about what you said. I agree that I will find happiness and I think we all will if we can choose to. It is a choice. Yes, belief over feelings--yes, agreed 100%! Feelings change all the time. Today I woke up happy, then something bad happened and I was frustrated and cried, and now I have processed it but feel better and a bit numb. And it's not even lunch time!
Here is the thing about beliefs tho--they don't cycle like feelings do, but they CAN change. You see when I met my H, I was much younger and inexperienced in life. When we married, I believed that any type of infidelity was a deal breaker. I believed that our M was a choice that we made every day and we even wrote that into our vows. I also believed that if we chose to no longer "choose" each other each day, then we would end it. I thought it was my deep love and attraction for him that kept me there each day.
Well that was many years ago. I like to think that I am not only older, but wiser as well. If I still held these beliefs, then my M would have been over years ago. Today, I believe in the institution of M--the financial commitment, the family commitment and that being together is best for our children, and that really there are no "deal breakers" per se, but that we both have to make a conscious commitment to keep working together. We now understand the value of being M over time and the benefits to each person in the family. It's all very unromantic, isn't it?
What has changed the most is what I perceive as happiness. Through this painful journey, the greatest silver lining for me has been that I know where happiness comes from. It is from me and it is inside of me, and not from anyone else. It always was, but I didn't know that then.
Okay, I gotta run, but I will be back later, as I owe you all a hello and thank you for reading :-)
Love, Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
