Question...if I show up and she wants to tell me about why she wants a divorce, the reasons behind it, etc, and I validate and empathize...she will likely feel like she has given me the closure she has said she thinks I need.
So what if she does? Why are you afraid she would think you were getting closure? Are you afraid it would speed up the D?
It is not uncommon for newcomers to have the same thought pattern you are experiencing. They fear if the WW should think he is having thoughts of ending the M, that it is a guarantee for putting a rush on the divorce. So, they keep pulling on that rope they have tied around her, trying to convince her they can save the M. Pulling tighter causes her to pull the other way, and you essentially have a tug of war. However, if you drop the rope, it ends the tug of war.
You will not change her mind by showing her how much you want to stay M to her. In fact, it would be better if she really wasn't completely certain of your feelings about her. Stop wearing your heart on your sleeve for her to see, and replace it with a poker face. The H who stops thinking so much about every little word his WW utters, and starts focusing on himself, will begin showing his male confidence and independence.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
