Keep Wearing Wedding Band? [Thread #9]

[ForGump]

V-

I'm OK. This is the last weekend for us together as a family. Made a pancake-eggs-sausage-fruit breakfast for the kids this morning. Then, I felt a little guilty but took about half a day to go do an outdoor sport w/ one of my buddies. Felt good. Came home, made dinner, played with my kids, played a little music, got the younger one ready for bed, then sat w/ him while he fell asleep. Not sure exactly what my STBXW did with her day. Didn't ask. She isn't giddy about her husband-free future, but she doesn't seem to be marking this weekend as the last weekend together either.

My STBXW may be simply my XW. The paperwork is on the judge's desk. He/she may have signed it. When I think about this, I just want to stop existing. My Dad, near his death, after a long struggle with an illness, loopy on an opiate, said he just wants to be run over by a truck. I'm reminded of that.

My only recourse to depression is to just focus on the practicalities. I prepare and plan my move into the new house. I work. There was a time when my mind kept drifting back to the loss of my wife, the breakup of the family. But I'm finding myself more successful at just pushing those thoughts away.

My younger one wanted donuts in the morning. I decided to make them for him instead of buying them. The dough is rising right now. I'm indulging him. It will be hard for him when I move out this week, and the family breaks in half.

He deserves better. But I see now that our combined fate was sealed long ago.