Newbie, need help with WAW!

[180Man]

MWD does not separate the WW from the WAW, and they will tell you to take a soft approach. They suggest you start building or repairing a friendship, empathize, etc.

Since waywardness is based on the absence of respect.......and since the WW is filled with contempt, selfishness, entitlement, manipulation, untrustworthiness, lies, infidelity, etc.............she will not respect a H who is soft and enabling. And almost every WW story I have ever read, the WW will tell the LBH she wants them to be friends! Friendship never works well with a WW, unless you are prepared to end all hope of ever being more than her friend.......and you are willing to be "used" for whatever her mood should dictate, without her giving back.

This is how the friendship works when the W is wayward. Her definition and your definition of friendship are completely different. As her H, you will be working at the friendship, hoping it will help repair things and eventually lead to reconciliation. However, the wayward wife sees it as you being available to her at any moment for any thing she wants. When you get tired of her taking advantage of you, and you pull back just one time........she starts screaming how she thought you wanted to be her friend! So, being a friend to a wayward, is actually just enabling her. The H is trapped in the role of her friend and he can't show his strong stance of a no-nonsense toleration from anyone who plays games, has hidden agendas, acts entitled, and uses others for their own selfish gain.

I will tell you what the wayward wife respects. The man who is stronger than her. The man who she can't order around. The man who doesn't fall for her manipulative tricks. The man who won't put up with her b.s. The man who will laugh at her self entitlement, and flatly refuse to cater to it. The man who doesn't hesitate to call her out for bad behavior. The man who make decisions and can take charge.

If you notice in the previous paragraph, it lists traits that may be related to the bad-boy image. I wasn't even thinking of it when writing it down......but it kind of jumped out at me when I finished. Men have asked why women go for the bad boy types. I don't think any woman wants to choose a person who is bad.......but I think it's b/c she is seeing the other characteristics like those above.

Back to waywards..........they can't respect a man who rolls over and fails to show his backbone. She will test him to see how far she can push him. While she is displaying her disrespect for him and their M..........he must display a firm stance that radiates his male strength that she cannot manipulate, threaten, or bully. There needs to be this span of time where he is giving her a view of him being a man who will not lay down and accept her bad behavior. He is not going to cater after anyone who treats him like cr@p, and especially her. This is what it takes when dealing with a wayward wife.

Once she ends her dispectful activity and shows her willingness to do whatever is necessary to save the MR..........then you can start with the friendship thing. I don't really like to call it that, but I will say friends so you will know what I mean. My take on it is that hundreds of people can qualify as your W's friend. But only one person can hold the position of her husband. Right?

Oh, looks like you snuck in a reply just when I was asking that question. Thank you for your response Sandi! I am so torn between your advice (which aligns with what my friends think I should do) vs the validation. What do you think is the right course of action based on my situation? I can answer any questions to add amplifying information if needed.