Newbie, need help with WAW!

[180Man]

Is the "strong/confident/tell her what's up" path this "I should go in there and tell her we have something worth saving and that I'm not gonna let her give up on it with out a fight, that the marriage counselor was a joke and we need to remember how to talk like adults and figure this out, that she needs to stop running away and we're gonna work out the all the little issues we had. That we have something special and she isn't going to ruin it because she is scared to talk, and that I need to start acting like the strong husband I was and want to be once again. Essentially he thinks I need to be strong and tell her we're going to work through it and when ever she is ready I will help her move back in. Then ask if she has any questions, excuse myself, and leave." ?

I'd be cautious of framing it exactly like that. There are some controlling things in there.

Yes, I was thinking this would be that. I agree, not phrased quite like this.

"it would be bad for both of us if I were to just show up and let her say whatever and basically get steam rolled."

How do you mean "steam rolled"? Did things happen in MC where you were "steam rolled"?

In MC it became all about what I had done prior wrong prior to the A that led to us disconnecting. I know I wanted to put my issues with the A itself on the back burner and allow her to talk about our problems leading up to the A, but it felt like I had done everything wrong and it was a lot to digest. In reality it was both of us who screwed up and allowed the disconnect to start.

“She expects me to show up wimper and cry, ask why and beg.” Your action, instead of words, can be that you are interested in making this work, but that you know you will be ok if she proceeds with the divorce.

Have you read DR or DB?

No, which one should I read first for my situation? Essentially a wife who had a short affair who then turned into a walk-away once we started MC because she felt we had grown apart, we're too different, had too much baggage, and could not give each other the happiness we once had.

Our coffee meeting is set now for a week from Monday. I guess I have a little bit of time to get myself together and figure out how to show up.