2017 - New year - same MLC but I'm moving along

[Irish M]

Thanks for everyone prayers for my D14. I am positive her condsition will be corrected safely and fast. We draw on each others strengths, I have faith.

I would be cautious. Something's definitely going on w/her...could be the om and your xw are on the outs or she's in financial trouble or she may be waking up just a wee bit.

Yes something is brewing that's for sure. I am standing back clear of any possible backlash or debris. She's on her own on this. Financially, I will not help her. Her mom has that role. As for OM. I am not even thinking about him or asking how her relationship is. I best continue thinking of him as a symptom that she needs to take care of. Not me to put any focus on him.

There's so much it's hard to know what to make of it all but I was a bit concerned about the attitude towards her sister. On the one hand she's saying to you that something is wrong with her yet she discounted re her sister's belief that she may have a mental illness. I'm not really sure what to make of that.

Hi Bttrfly , I think she can saw it but anyone saying it about her upsets her. That is why I replied to that in saying. Maybe she doesn't understand what you are going through. It doesn't point any judgement at her and it validates her own thoughts. You cant call a MLC crazy, it's doesn't do anyone any good. It is probably the reason she avoids her sister.

Just my mind reading logic here ... the sister/mental ill bit may have just been a test to see if Irish would take the bait and pile on the "Mental ill" wagon. If she is anything like mine, she knows something is off but does not want that terrifying mentally ill label thrown at her by those she respects

Exactly and her sister is a nurse so she should know better. At least I'm not playing into it and adding wood to the fire.

Again ... just my opinion and take on this new revelation she has ramped up communication quite a bit as of late, I would agree reality has set in and the fantasy is losing its shine so she is circling back and touching base a bit.

Yes, it's more positive communication from her. It started out bad but the last 2 days and this morning has nbeen more pleasurable. Again, I'm not getting pulled in because I see she is nowhere near the finish line. At least it's a sign that they do eventually see through the fog. If she decides to run back in well hopefully the next visit to the real world she will bring some more clarity with her.

and like I , you realize if things can be patched between her and your daughters they would be better for it ... again its on her to do this but I too am hopeful for 'the awakening' if only for my sons sake.

That is my only goal with XW. if I and no children with her, this post would of ended long ago. It's all about my girls and their future.

Perhaps, if the opportunity presents itself, you might suggest she discuss the possibility of bipolar disorder with her therapist.

I first thought about Bipolar in her manic times. But 10 years between crisis's shows it more to be MLC. I have a friend who's wife is bipolar and refuses often to take her meds. Its a life time decease. I really feel for him sometimes.

Irish, from what I read, I believe she may be mentally ill and her sister is right. Do you believe she is?

Hi Ginger,

Her sister is right. Her family history on her mothers side proves the Crisis children theory and MLC. It all started with her grandmother. Then her children ( my Xmother in law and her sister.) both had MLC, X-mother in law had a 3 year deal with MLC and her sister ( my XW aunt) is stuck in it. The story's from their crisis's would make a lot of the MLC's situation here seem like a walk in the park. So that generated my Xw crisis. All repeating history because the kids had no stable environment. My Xw sister had a small one but it was caught by fellow nurses and she was treated. Sh does seem a little self absorbed still but her family is intact. Who knows s=what goes on behinds those doors.

Again, agree with Cali, she is not done. Most people don't know the length's an MLC must travel to become completely whole. The length of time is longer than most people care to admit.

Hi Mirage, I agree as well. not done yet and it could be just a hard touch. I am only pleased with the content of her communication . It;'s less on me, more on her and what she is feeling towards the past. I still have my check list of things she needs to do before I would be convinced of her rebirth into the real world

-1- Put the girls first.
-2- Show true remorse ( not a simple sorry or my bad)
-3- Walk on fire
-4- Therapy, therapy and therapy. (she says she is doing.)
-5- Write the girls a letter and spill her heart and soul out for them. Show them that they had nothing to do with this and accept that she was not well.
-6- Drop the narcissistic personality. Very new to her character since this all started
-7- Walk on fire ( oh I said that already)

there's is so much more but that is the starter list.

Perhaps, if the opportunity presents itself, you might suggest she discuss the possibility of bipolar disorder with her therapist.

I didn't see this. Completely agreed. I don't know so much as a MLC but rather bipolar. I am not a doctor, but I lived with a bipolar mom, as I think I may have mentioned.

You also said she did this 10 years ago where she went "manic".

I truly believe MLC. the therapist I saw and with the girls to help is understand what the heck was going on said she was in a crisis. Depression and unresolved issues as a child. Not sure if bipolar takes a 10 years holiday. She didn't show any signs of it before the first short crisis either. But who knows . the brain is a weird and straight thing at times. Not sure if anyone really I understand how it works.

I sense she is testing you to see if your still there not sure why she may still have a while to go
they may like to keep OM and X both just in case

Hi Peace ,
Possibly you are right. I'll keep my distance and not answer to most of her messages unless I feel it can be a validation or about the girls. As for OM, She can have him , I wont be standing in line. that's one thing I'm sure she knows. The girls want nothing to do with him. He is a part of her leaving them. I won't be her friend knowing he is there.

Let's say she leaves him. Gets an apartment or house to be able to build trust and a relationship with the girls. The moment she blames them for her leaving him or I , the girls would just leave. She has to decide alone that her relationship is over and it should of not happened the way it did. It cant be a story of lost love because of the kids.


Quiet messages Yesterday. Got in late after work and an evening with a friend. Waited until this morning to read my home emails. One from XW talking about a journal she made of her experience of her pregnancy of D16

I'll first give you an Idea of the journal. D16 was supposed to open it at her 16th birth date.

It starts out by her talking about herself, who she is, where she works, her age etc. Then it goes into her thoughts on me. How we met, the love and bond we had. The way we built our relationship ( no soulmate love)
She does go on about her thoughts of me the first time she met me.

It then jumps to our time living together. Our first apartment. then our planned pregnancy of D16. Details of her body changes, what she felt and the week by week events up to the pregnancy and choosing of the name.


.
It is a few pages and quiet detailed along the way. Emotions, ideas, details of how we were as a couple. It is by far the most loving thing XW has ever put to paper.

her email yesterday.

Hi Irish, read the journal that I did for D16 about our pregnancy. It brings back so many happy memories :-)

my reply.
Yes it was a well written journal of those times. D16 hasn't read it yet. I'm sure she will one day.

Now no reply from that. Also she is home and not at work. If I look at the hour she sends these messages they are from work. I guess at home she will avoid emailing.

I for one won't look at my emails this weekend. I will be out all day with my camera. Lots of fog in my area. Above seasonal temps. Tomorrow back to a cold snap.

Hope you all have a great weekend.

Irish