My views are very different for you and your sitch, sort of counter intuitive.
The level of hurt betrayal and pain you feel is affecting you physiologically. You tell us that you have trouble eating and no doubt sleeping and other caring of self.
Unlike others, I do think this isn't easy to fix, you can't force feed yourself breakfast or make your mind still. This indicates trauma to me and distress. I read a little anxiety and perhaps physiological depression. Have you asked your medic? Are you currently having IC?
These things are vital for your wellbeing and you may need a superbetter style of approach. Extreme self care, I really mean extreme. What you eat can be of the highest quality and gradually you can rebuild. Extensive exercise and high protein breakfasts can be for the rugged. This roller coaster is likely to means some days Yes you can and others just washing your face and getting out the door is hard enough.
I am concerned about you and want you to be grounded with a healthy base to operate on. This isn't easy and the path is never a smooth one.
And it's ok, truly it is, you are bang on target for this. There is even a grief cycle to follow, known as the Kubler Ross cycle. This starts after the denial phase is over. It is part of recovery, even if it seems to you this is worse than not knowing then truly is the beginning of healing. Once you know then you will never unknow.
This is the start of repair, gentleness, kindness and extreme self care.
Hugs
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
