I just wanted to come by as I was thinking of you. I haven't been around much lately and likely I won't be around much in the near future, but you came to mind and I wanted to see how you were.
I worked with a family once where they had a child with a chronic health condition, where any kind of touch resulted in him experiencing physical pain. A nerve disorder I think. I have also worked with traumatised children who experience similar, the tiniest of touches feels completing overwhelming. You strike me as similar, an open nerve waiting for the next stimuli.
I remember being that open wound waiting for salt or acid to be poured. Enough already!!! If you read back to the beginning of my situation, I was a minute,by minute in my coping abilities, every sense was overwhelmed and like you all I wanted is looking after. And you know it is not unreasonable when in a constant state of trauma to feel that way.
When I started out on this journey every day was about keeping things simple, did I eat, did I sleep, did I exercise, did I do one social thing that brought me joy.
You can't change the chaos of your situation, but there is a place in the middle of this retched tornado where you can find the quiet. Every moment attempt to find the quiet. It is there I promise you. Think about it, let the wind rush and swirl around you, but feel the quiet space in the middle. The middle quiet place is YOU. The person you need to spend just 30 seconds to find in the midst of the chaos. Visualize this quite space, it exists I promise. The more often to seek to find her the chaos, the easier it gets.
I found that my trauma was so linked to a disconnect from myself. The peace starts to come when you find yourself again. Sit in the quiet Courage and you will hear yourself calling. You're ready to be YOU again.
Still reading and listening Courage. take heart, you are never alone!!!
