I think Sandi's advice on the nice guy is most applicable to the LBS who is having an affair rubbed in their noses and thinking that becoming super H is the answer. Taking care of the cooking, cleaning, yardwork, kids etc. while the WW does whatever she pleases. The LBS thinks “Hey, look over here! See how much I love you?” and that’ll win the WW. The nice guy needs to set boundaries so the WW can start to respect them again. A woman can’t love a man she doesn’t respect.
Unless I missed something in your posts, I don’t see that. Are there boundaries you need to set? Are you doing any Super H things?
In your first post, you wrote “I felt like being nice and giving her space was just not doing anything. I felt like she was walking all over me and didn’t respect me for trying to make things work.”
How was she walking all over you? How did she show you disrespect? How long do you think this will take to turn around?
Have no expectations with the meeting with her. You called her out on talking face to face and then she asks to talk face to face. At least she’s listening. And I think Kaizen nailed it; being strong and empathetic are not mutually exclusive. You show strength by listening and understanding her point of view. You should use a lot of “I see your point of view”, “I understand that you feel that way”.
There is no reason to tell her you guys should work on things or let her know you want this to work out. She knows. Listen, validate and let her do all the talking.
