Thank you job, such a compliment from you means a great deal.
HaWho - seriously, who are an inspiration to me, I am in awe of your determination and faith, you have shown me what the true meaning of patience and resilience is.
A bit of journalling today. I don't want to talk to my g/friends about this as I don't want anyone confusing me more or making it bigger than it is ...or knowing about this at all .. So this is for everyone here, but mainly a mans point of view would be helpful.
So here it is: I am a friendly person, I chat to everybody and generally make friends with everyone around me, it makes for a nice environment. I have done this in my new job, being friendly and joking around with all the staff, young, old, male and female, I have not treated anyone differently .....so I thought ....
One man is a couple yrs older than me and single (divorced), we are always messing around (like I do with everyone) and he is genuinely a nice guy. We got chatting the other day and he mentioned hiking and a place where he would like to go but doesn't want to do the hike on his own, he was showing me on a map and I gave my opinion on which route I would take and which huts I would camp in along the way. One conversation lead to another and he asked if I had done a local walk, Cape Kidnappers, a 6hr walk along a beach to a Gannet Colony and back again, the beach can only be accessed at low tide. I replied no, but that I would like to do it one day.
Next day he came to see me and told me he had looked at the tide times and if I would like to do the walk this weekend we could do it together (he is off the same weekends as me). So I said yes, that sounds lovely. Today we worked out details and decided that tomorrow is the best tide time and weather. And that was that, I thought no more of it.
But a colleague had overheard part of the conversation and she said "are you and x going on a date?" with a smile on her face. So this is the thing, is that what this is? I said no to her, and she said "ok" in a tone of voice of "yeah, right" so I replied slightly panic'ed "omg is this a date, do you think he thinks this is a date? I have been out of this game for so long, I didn't even consider it being anything other than a walk with a new friend" - she replied that he has been out of the game for a long time too and is probably not sure what this is either so go have fun.
This evening he text me to organise times etc and we have agreed that I will meet him at his house (I dont want s20 seeing me being picked up by a guy) and he will drive us to the starting point. We text back and forth for a bit and it was light and jokey and I ended it as I was starting to read things in to this situation that is probably not there at all.
So after changing what I will be wearing a dozen times I have got myself all worked up as to what this actually is. My main concern is that I don't want to lead him on if he thinks this is a date as I am not sure that is what I want it to be, I also am very conscious that if he thinks its a date and it does not go as well as he hopes then that makes for a bad working environment.
I know, I know, just go have fun and enjoy yourself, stop overthinking and allow things to unfold, but what if I am not ready for things to unfold, what if i hurt him, I know just how rejection feels ....and I am setting myself up for that too.
Oh dear, reading back through this I sound like a teenager, I seem to have got myself in to a situation that i am struggling to deal with rationally .....mind you, it has stopped me thinking about h and whats happening with him though lol.
Am I not seeing something that is in front of me - am I going on a date?
hi doll. i'm not sure ... perhaps? i think it would be more comfortable if you put the word date out of your mind (yeah, because *that* would be so easy to do!) and think of this as a hike with a friend who happens to be a guy.
sounds like you are both in a bit of the same place, so why not just have some company while you're there? think of him as a new friend. if he does bring up something else, then be as frank with him as you were with us.
you raise valid concerns about fishing off the company pier. however, friendship is a gift. my guy friends are just as treasured as my gf - sometimes even a bit more in the case of my brother from another mother ... his perspective is really so helpful.
So after that no help at all blathering on my part, go - have fun. be your beautiful self.
AND come back and tell us how it went!! xoxoxoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Whether it is a date or not, go and have some fun. You deserve to have fun and just enjoy the companionship for the day. If you don't want this to turn into something more than just a one time deal, you will need to set him straight that you aren't interested in anything long term...but that is way down the road.
Go, have fun and come back and tell us how things went.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Lou - the hike sounds wonderful! I am jealous. I hiked down to Cathedral Cove and it's one of my most memorable hikes ever.
Every time you get nervous, just imagine that he is a new female friend.
You are going to feel so great after all that fresh air!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Am I not seeing something that is in front of me - am I going on a date?
LouR - Man's opinion here since you asked for one.
Yep. It's a date.
But - He appears to be coming into it with no expectations and is sharing a common interest which is a good basis for a friendship.
If there are no red flags then absolutely go and have fun. Make sure too that people who care about you know where you are - standard being safe stuff especially since you are going by the sea-side which has it's own physical risks.
Keep your own expectations low and keep your emotional and physical distance and don't allow any lines to be crossed that you don't want to be crossed. To make it more clear you could consider driving there separately. That shows that you are independent and makes that a reality. Perhaps have plans that take you in a different direction later.
He sounds like a nice guy and maybe you'll find some ambergris!
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Well, I would think he has a potential 'datey' interest in you if he asked you to do this.
But I agree with others, just go along and have a nice walk out. And if you fancy doing something else together, go for it and get to know him a little better.
No need to overthink anything...he's just a guy who would like to spend a little time with you...
Hope you have a nice time :-) xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Lou, here is my take on it (also considering some male input here that supports my thoughts, LOL.) I think the guy is interested in you, no doubt. In the last few years I learnt that even if you state explicitly that you are only interested in a friendship, the guys will still have a hope that it could turn into more… At least this was my experience .
I would totally go on the walk and keep it friendly. You can always state your boundaries if you feel that the line is getting crossed… It sounds like your coworker is a nice guy, so he will understand. Who knows what this could develop into. You could have a new good friend. Or… it could be more than that over time, you never khow. You have nothing to lose, Lou, go for it!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Thank you so much for your advice and support, I read your messages before I left for my non-date date.
Andrew, thanks for the male perspective, I have no idea whether he has seen this as a date or just a friendly thing to do as I am single and walking the Cape is not an ideal place to be wandering around alone - like I say, a genuinely nice guy.
HaWho - Cathedral Cove and Hot Water Beach is on my list, its not too far away from me, so when my tent arrives I can go for a weekend. Sounds a beautiful place to visit.
Bright - thank you, its good to have opinions from an outside view, I have been out of the dating game for such a long time and when I met h it was an instant connection and very intense, so I have no clue as to what "dating" looks like lol.
Bttrfly, job, sotto, Coly23, thank you for your advice and support, as always I am truly grateful for everyone here, I am blessed.
So if you want to know what happened on my non-date date it is on my new thread:
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