Newbie, need help with WAW!

[180Man]

There's no point in walking in and telling her anything. Strong words without strong actions are meaningless. Strong actions don't need words.

What good will telling her this do? I think it's good that you found her notes. Think on those.

Strong actions are difficult. I struggle with this. But you can carry on giving her space. Let her work through this. I think the bit that we, as the LBS, item struggle with is 'believe nothing of what they say'.

I agree, but since I haven't seen her in a month...if I refuse to meet with her as she has asked, then I think that's a weak action instead of a strong action. So if the strong action is to show up, then I need to decide how I'm going to show up. Am I going to sit and hold space for her, validate, and be empathetic like I tried to do in counseling? When she came into our last counseling session about a month ago and asked for a D, the counselor told me afterward that I handled it very well. I told her I understand, that I disagree very much with this decision but that I love her and want her to be happy.

Or do I show up like Sandi suggests?

Yesterday, my W's messages would indicate she wanted it over and was now ready to sell the house.

When I got home I pretty much left her alone and the subject never came up.
It's hard when you feel you're dying inside, but you just have to keep doing what's best for you.

At least you're still living with her, she can see your actions every day. Or maybe that makes it harder?

As Cadet says, they are following the script. It's hard when you know this not to tell them, not to want to scream in their faces "you're in the fog, you're doing exactly what all women in your position do, why can't you see?" What good would it do? They won't believe us. Each believes their sitch is unique. I think we need to work on us not following the LBS script.

Agreed!