Thank you job, such a compliment from you means a great deal.
HaWho - seriously, who are an inspiration to me, I am in awe of your determination and faith, you have shown me what the true meaning of patience and resilience is.
A bit of journalling today. I don't want to talk to my g/friends about this as I don't want anyone confusing me more or making it bigger than it is ...or knowing about this at all .. So this is for everyone here, but mainly a mans point of view would be helpful.
So here it is: I am a friendly person, I chat to everybody and generally make friends with everyone around me, it makes for a nice environment. I have done this in my new job, being friendly and joking around with all the staff, young, old, male and female, I have not treated anyone differently .....so I thought ....
One man is a couple yrs older than me and single (divorced), we are always messing around (like I do with everyone) and he is genuinely a nice guy. We got chatting the other day and he mentioned hiking and a place where he would like to go but doesn't want to do the hike on his own, he was showing me on a map and I gave my opinion on which route I would take and which huts I would camp in along the way. One conversation lead to another and he asked if I had done a local walk, Cape Kidnappers, a 6hr walk along a beach to a Gannet Colony and back again, the beach can only be accessed at low tide. I replied no, but that I would like to do it one day.
Next day he came to see me and told me he had looked at the tide times and if I would like to do the walk this weekend we could do it together (he is off the same weekends as me). So I said yes, that sounds lovely. Today we worked out details and decided that tomorrow is the best tide time and weather. And that was that, I thought no more of it.
But a colleague had overheard part of the conversation and she said "are you and x going on a date?" with a smile on her face. So this is the thing, is that what this is? I said no to her, and she said "ok" in a tone of voice of "yeah, right" so I replied slightly panic'ed "omg is this a date, do you think he thinks this is a date? I have been out of this game for so long, I didn't even consider it being anything other than a walk with a new friend" - she replied that he has been out of the game for a long time too and is probably not sure what this is either so go have fun.
This evening he text me to organise times etc and we have agreed that I will meet him at his house (I dont want s20 seeing me being picked up by a guy) and he will drive us to the starting point. We text back and forth for a bit and it was light and jokey and I ended it as I was starting to read things in to this situation that is probably not there at all.
So after changing what I will be wearing a dozen times I have got myself all worked up as to what this actually is. My main concern is that I don't want to lead him on if he thinks this is a date as I am not sure that is what I want it to be, I also am very conscious that if he thinks its a date and it does not go as well as he hopes then that makes for a bad working environment.
I know, I know, just go have fun and enjoy yourself, stop overthinking and allow things to unfold, but what if I am not ready for things to unfold, what if i hurt him, I know just how rejection feels ....and I am setting myself up for that too.
Oh dear, reading back through this I sound like a teenager, I seem to have got myself in to a situation that i am struggling to deal with rationally .....mind you, it has stopped me thinking about h and whats happening with him though lol.
Am I not seeing something that is in front of me - am I going on a date?
