A WW? (7)

[Zues126]

My opinions are just that, they are not necessarily DB. But I would do two things.

First, I would handle myself beyond reproach. If she asks you not to call her a nickname, don't do it. If you say you are going to do something, do it. If you aren't sure you can keep a commitment, don't make it. Telling her something you think she wants to hear won't change her feelings towards you, she'll be skeptical you won't do it and then angry when you fall through. Bottom line, run a tight darn ship. She'll still spew, but at least then you'll know you don't deserve it and she deep down might as well.

Secondly, stop with the R talks. I hear your IC, I just don't agree. What's the point of having an R talk about things not being sustainable? This is more words, not actions. She knows you don't like things how they are, she obviously doesn't give a hoot. So what happens after you have your R talk about things not being sustainable, what happens when you have your talk about not wanting to go to marital counseling unless conditions are met she's not willing to meet? What then? If you won't do anything differently anyway there is no point as she's just going to blow you off and you're going to look weak. If you WILL take different action such as filing or changing your behvior, just go ahead and file or change your darn behavior! Speak to her with actions, not words, and don't take those actions until you are doing them for you, not to try to control her.

It's not always easy, but it sure looks clear to me. Live in a way that you would if you knew she wasn't coming back to the marriage. Hopefully the man you'd choose to be would still be one that could attract her back and maybe there is a new R between you two in the future. But putting your eggs in that basket or trying to steer her in that direction won't work. Time to move forward and not look back to see if she's following. That doesn't necessarily mean filing, although it might. It doesn't mean buying a new place necessarily, although it might. It just means moving forward with your life. Your life isn't your legal status or where you live. Your live is how you live it.