I applaud how you told her to stop yelling or you would end the call. I hope you will continue to call her out whenever she shows disrespectful behavior. Once you have her respect back, her attraction for you will return. That is how we gals are wired. Don't give up working on your improved body. I can imagine how it was a terrible blow to hear her repeat how she was still not attracted to you, and after losing nearly 50 lbs! That just shows how her attraction button is currently flawed.
(I'm going to say this, and it is on very general terms.) Women can admire a handsome man.....however, when it comes to a serious relationship, we want to have those "in love" feelings for the one we M. It's like everything in our lives are tied to our feelings/emotions. That's why it is more difficult for women to compartmentalize the physical act of sex from the emotions of being in love. (At least, that's the way it used to be.) Men seem able to separate the two more easily.
As one WH told his LBW, "It was just sex, not love". Men are able to see a sexually attractive woman he doesn't know.... and desire to have sex with her right then & there....and then he can go on about his business without having to sort out in his mind what, why, and how of everything about this woman he just had sex with. He doesn't have to check with his feelings about her or having sex with her. He wanted it, had it, and now he's a happy camper. Well, women can physically do the same thing, (and maybe even some can handle it emotionally) but usually, it's more complicated for us.....b/c of how we are wired.
IMHO, that's often why having sex is usually decided on how she feels at that given time. Her emotional feelings come into play, and whatever has been said or done between the two of you throughout the day/week can affect her level of desire for you. She can always just go through the motions, or she may come up with some excuse for not wanting sex right then, or it could be a legit physical problem she's having.....but most times it's based on her current emotions about you.
Therefore, you can see how years of resentment and disrespect can shut down a woman's feelings of desire. The good news is that the attraction can return, when she starts respecting you as a man.
You told your W she was going to do whatever she wanted, regardless of how you felt. You are correct. And, it irritates you that she calls to ask, then she does whatever she wants. In other words, your feelings don't matter to her. So do you know why she's calling you? IMHO, she is pretending to be transparent, but she is still playing you.
Whenever I read how the WW is giving excuses for spending nights away from home, I see a big red flag waving. She calls and gives you her story why she has to stay overnight at someone's house. She is even prepping you for a possible upcoming trip to CA, by making statements of how she needs to go there to clear her mind.
Another concern I saw, was when she said that she & OM2 were currently "just friends". Once a W has an EA with OM......they cannot simply fall back into being co-workers or friends. Maybe I missed it, but I didn't see your response to her statement.
I hope she will stick to five more counseling sessions (if the counselor doesn't encourage her to divorce), but don't be surprised if she doesn't go back.
How are you doing with personal goals?
Have you thought about the next boundary you plan to use, if necessary?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
