Or she could be in full-blown "pretending to be single" mode and having meaningless, selfish sex with every guy she meets.
Unfortunately I believe that this last one is the truth and it makes me want to vomit as I type it right now.
Originally Posted By: Chris73
But the way I see it (and you can call me a fool or less of a man if you want to) giving her an ultimatum doesn't solve anything. Deep down she knows that her behavior is wrong and it's destroying our marriage, but she doesn't care. She has no inner motivation to change. And an ultimatum doesn't change that, it simply imposes rules from the outside.
I will say that I dont think this makes you 'less of a man'. I think this is correct. All that imposing rules or timelines will do is force her to choose that lifestyle again and again.
Originally Posted By: Chris73
When she decides to really change she will come out of the fog and see me as man with integrity, who turned his attention inward and worked on himself to become a better man, husband, and father. Who always offered love, kindness, friendship, and respect to his W even when she didn't deserve it. A man who continued to nurture a meaningful connection with his W despite all obstacles.
It is my sincere hope that this happens before I have decided to move on. But if it doesn't, I've done the work I need to do to have a much more fulfilling relationship with another person.
Heres my concern. What exactly are your boundaries. What kinds of behaviors are you willing to accept before it becomes 'too much' and you need to protect yourself. Im not trying to advocate divorce, but I think on some level if you are ALWAYS offering love and kindness, then you arent really growing either. How can you continue to maintain your sense of self and sense of value?
I have thought about this a lot, too...and the truth is I think you will know when you know. I feel like this approach is a transitional phase for those who aren't quite ready to completely detach or move to true LRT. If it works, great! If it doesn't, you can slowly detach and feel good about how you stayed true to yourself.
I think for me, the aha moment came when I realized that I needed to walk this path for me...to help ME deal with the situation. This should not be an effort or tactic to win your spouse back.
