Gordie: I am new to your situation. So, you have been a single dad for six months and your W is living separately and has a maybe on-again/off-again live-out boyfriend who comes over for sleepovers of indeterminate frequency. W says she's unsure whether or not she wants to be M to you or work on the M, right?
Miky152: "How long do I need to stay in this limbo?"
Gordie: You can only control you. I'm a newbie too and learning the hard way that there is nothing we can say or do to control our W. We can certainly make the road back more (be the man only a fool would leave) or less enticing (don't change anything and be the same man she left), but whether or not they want to come back...is totally up to them and on their time frame. It's not over until you say it is over...so how long do you want to stay in this limbo?
Miky152: "What can I do to break out of it without being super harsh and burning down the progress I have made?"
Gordie: Going back to the DB/DR principles...if you feel like you are in a rut where you are now...start with a beginner's mind...stop going down cheeseless tunnels (doing things that aren't working)...and experiment and monitor results...what can you do to change the situation without your W's participation? You see her every day, so what can you do that would be different? Surprising? Mysterious? Are you still attached and letting her moods control your moods/actions? She is cold and you are grumpy...she gives you an ILY and you are happy? What GAL activities do you have going on?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
