So Confused and Conflicted (2)

[Bdog37]

I just needed to know how important things were to her. That's all. I needed her to put her foot down, and demand things -- not give up when she didn't get them. Why do women give up on marriages so f***ing easily?

I see your frustration and understand why you have so many questions. Many of us on here don't understand how someone you spend over a decade with can just one day decide they don't want to be with you anymore. My W did many things that you are describing as well. She deleted my entire family from her FB, turned cold towards me within a week without warning, gave me no hope that she cared about our past, didn't let me know she was so unhappy and wanted out of the marriage, etc, etc. I know it hurts to think about all the good times in your M and question how she doesn't anymore. My W and I took a trip to New Orleans with friends 3 months prior to her leaving. My W told me that, even though things got better this past year, she still wants a D. You can't explain these actions and if you dwell on them it will drive you insane. I wish I had the answers to all your questions as I was once asking them myself. I do not believe she is giving up on the M so easily. This is something that she has had in the back of her mind for sometime and has finally made the decision to go forward with it. I also understand you questioning the methods you've learned here in regards to "fixing" you MR. However, its not about that as your old MR is over. You can only focus on yourself at this point and do things for yourself. Don't worry so much about what she is doing. Hell, my W is already seeing OM but now it doesn't bother me. If you would have talked to me a few months ago this would have broken my heart. She is not the woman I married anymore and by loving myself I have realized that I don't deserve this because I'm a better person. From what I have learned here I now love myself more than my M or my W. Once you start focusing your attention on yourself you will realize that it will get easier. The pain will never go away, but it will get easier. In time, if you keep practicing what you have learned, your W may come back and then she may not. Hopefully, by then you will have built a strong enough relationship with yourself that whatever happens you will have the tools to make things better than before.