2017 - New year - same MLC but I'm moving along

[roist]

Irish.

I don't know the ins and outs of your story nor what happened 10 years ago, though I have read along since I moved to the mlc forum. I have not lived your story but of all the stories here I thought that I personally imagined that I would prefer my W to just disappear like yours if we do split. I am sure it was hard initially bit seemed better than constant interactions and change overs. I really felt for your daughters though.

I liked jobs input. You are st this a good while now and I believe you have s good handle on things. I think you are doing good.Maybe I am naive or have not had my.nose rubbed in it yet, but something about your replies does not sit well with me. This is just an impression and nothing concrete.

Maybe having had similar contact from her from time to time, is affecting your response (and naturally so). You come across to me and maybe her as this is just more of the same old shite. Maybe it is, but maybe not. Maybe she does need a hard kick to touch. Only you can decide that, but until then try to empathize more with her. She does "appear" to be falling apart but in s good way. She is hurting, she is lost but more importantly she is facing her demons with professional help. That has got to be tough and probably deeper than she has dug in a long time. So I guess I am repeating what others are saying about validating.

All that being said, this is her mess and you are right to not take ownership of it. I'm not sure I would have used the "as that would be controlling" line. Firstly you have no agenda so nothing to control. I think you are coming across to her, as you don't want to or are unwilling to help. That is not the same thing as it not being your place to do so.

I think in future replies you could state something to the effect: the past cannot be changed and wondering about past what ifs won't change it either. As for the girls, they are old enough now to make their own decisions about their R with W and whereas you are not against her reconnecting with them, it is only her that can make that happen.

Seeing as I have already written more than I intended, I will just add that my outsider view sees much positives and change in her recent communications but as others have observed it is lacking still some deeper components. Maybe they exist already. Some of us are just poor communicators and no WAS will get it right 100% textbook just as no lbs will either.

I know this has to be tough mentally. That is why I took the time to write do much. Bear in mind you have no pressure or obligation to anything including responding to her. Give it some head space but don't let it consume you.

Best wishes