FG,
While it's nice to see some accountability I still think you are being waaay harsh on yourself. You were a good husband, kind and generous. Your wife has become complacent and spoiled and blames you for her lack of direction. You didn't tie her hands refuse to let her help out. You don't know if someone wants something unless they verbalize it. For instance, she could have said, "Hey, you take care of the finances so well I want to learn how you do that! Then when I get as sharp as you I can take over."

It's interesting how our situations are so reversed. I handled all the finances, bills, insurance stuff and kid's appointments. My WH would always be available to actually take them to the appointment but not remember when to schedule and everything. I was super resentful of this and often used passive aggressive sighs and snippy remarks. Well that didn't work but I just kept doing it. :P

You sound like a strong and caring man, your wife is foolish not to see that. But hitting rock bottom will definitely be a wake up call for her. When WH was looking into divorce and realized how he would be doing alllll the household planning and be responsible for 50% of the kids logistics and appointments he suddenly realized how much I did.

M 10yrs T 13yrs
BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW
BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off
Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce
April '17-Letting go
2018 D busted
DD8, DS6, DS3