We haven't had a fight since probably October so we were definitely due. He didn't walk out last night so much as he suggested he'd might as well go, and I agreed. We have an agreement that when he gets too angry he will excuse himself to calm down. I don't have that same option when we're at my house, so it was as much a question of me hitting a breaking point as him. If I had managed to calm down a little he would absolutely have stayed. But last night I had to drop everything I had intended to get done in order to give him the closeness he wanted and I didn't have a lot to give. He came in fifteen minutes after I'd gotten home from a non-stop 13 hour day and we had a lovely 90 minutes before I fell apart in response to something he said. The argument was a reflection of my exhaustion more than anything else, though he may not have realized it. I'm finding that few people who don't live the single-working-full-time parent lifestyle realize just HOW taxing it is, even when they have a lot of sympathy.
He has built a very easy lifestyle for himself. He goes where he wants to go when he wants to go. He naps when he needs to. He works out almost every day. He eats very healthfully and regularly. He indulges in his favorite hobbies whenever he wants. He has resources for getting ALL his needs met at the time that he needs them.
I, on the other hand, am chronically sleep deprived, ALWAYS behind on some part of my life, absolutely exercise deprived (and although I don't love it like he does, I'm definitely missing it) and at the moment there is not one part of my life except maybe him that is going smoothly. I'm missing my friends and feeling disconnected from what I thought was my social life. There are, at the moment, significant stresses in my work, with my kids (not run of the mill anxieties, but moving pieces I'm trying to manage), in my home, and in my person. I'm a walking minefield.
I agree that I am a demanding person to be in a relationship with. We talk about that from time to time and he has observed several times recently that I have relaxed a lot in the last few months. That doesn't make him the easiest person to be in a relationship with, though, and as wonderful as I find him, there are certainly challenges coming from his side of the fence.
In any case, I was able to take this afternoon off and have dealt with a couple of the most immediate things i wanted to take care of. I will go to bed early tonight and try to relax and get a little more sleep. I've heard from him a couple of times and it seem likely we'll spend a lot of the weekend together.
The kids' dad has been out of town for the last week so he didn't take them last night like he usually does. They haven't seen him in a week. My daughter texts him regularly but the boys haven't heard from him in that long either, and they keep asking when he's getting back into town, so he didn't communicate that with them either. Since the kids are taking care of his kittens they've been in his house several times in the last week, and my daughter has reported that Mr. F's girlfriend's son has left a lot of evidence of being in the house (including Mr. F's bedspread being on the couch in the living room... ???). I wonder how this feels to my kids.
Thank you to all the people who reminded me to take care of myself. It's nice to know I can come here for support and reminders that I matter too. Thank you.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
