one more thing...when all of this first went down, I cut her access to the bank account and debit card. She has her own business account that she always uses for typical spending expenses. She now wants me to get her back on the account and her have full access to everything. While I agree she is legally entitled to it, should I do this or would it make me look weak? We are scheduled to meet at 12:00 today.
What you are doing is controlling. IF she has a right to it, she has a right to it. Does she have her own money in there? If not, then, why not set up separate bank accounts? If yes, then she has the right to access it.
Does she work? What is the financial arrangement between the both of you. With my WW, she is a SAHM, but I employ her through my business as an admin, so she gets a wage and is a 25% shareholder. I have not given her any financial penalties.
I have struggled with control vs boundaries (i.e. cutting off her internet access to contact OM as it is an online EA rather than a PA) but I have stopped doing this.
At this stage, the WW is an addict to the affair. Attempting control only pushes them further away. I have first hand experience of this.
Another question - can your W financially harm you if she has access to the joint account. I mean seriously harm you, clean you out or suchlike?
-- Me: 47 WW: 35 SS: 17 D: 5 T: 7 yrs Engaged: 2 yrs OEA confirmed: August 17 2016 ongoing since April 2016. OEA continues (with occasional breaks) BD2 - W says will visit OM in Jan 18