This used to be easier - and a lot more fun, cont.

[Georgiabelle]

Hi Don,

I heart exquisite lobe's post. V makes some good points. I may be a dissenter here but I'm not sure dating is easier now, it is just different. Everyone has baggage. I suppose the thing is that some of us can handle another's baggage better than another's baggage. And of course, how we handle our own baggage factors in as well. I *do* think dating is different when you are not necessarily looking to get married and have kids. Or maybe you would consider marriage but it isn't necessarily the end goal.

I think your experiences are normal. Yes, some people date while married, shortly after divorce, periodic dating, and some don't date period. I do get a bit annoyed when folks act like if you aren't dating then "you are missing out" and "you must get back on the horse." I think I am in no place to judge or decide when anyone should date-except for myself. We are all different and people do things at different speeds. Again, you experiences don't strike me as out of the ordinary.

Everyone has a heart attack over that word picky. I see all of these long lists for what people want and for some, I think that works. I think most people have some non-negotiables and a few really need to haves. I think we take a look at ourselves and recognize what we can work on and then also realize there are some things that probably won't change. For example, I am super duper independent (been that way since I was a kid) and very quirky. While most men that I have dated, say initially how much they love my independence, they also have all said in very loud voices at times, "You are so independent!!! It drives me crazy!!" I do try to catch myself with the independence thing and realize that it's okay to occasionally ask for help. The quirky thing? Nope. I'm good with it so there is no desire to change. My issue is that I am very, very rarely attracted to people. I can agree they are attractive people but *I' am not attracted to most people. Almost never. Literally. And add in the fact that I am older (this was not as big of an issue when I was younger) that on the off chance I am attracted to him, there is a very, very real chance it may not be reciprocated. It's a bit of a barrier and I have seen a therapist off an on over this (it's heavily tied to my ED). I can work with it, however, it is an ongoing thing. I'm aware of it, however, it is a challenge.

So, my question to you, is what do you want? What are you looking for? No wrong answers because it only matters what you want-not what any of us want for you. Do you want a life partner? A gf? A casual R? Open to all of those?

I like "Spirit in the Sky" as well. Nice one hit wonder call, V:)