This actually gave me a major boost, that something in my mad ramblings actually helped someone.
You're totally spot on about not giving WS and AP material. And also spot on about how hard it is. I've been having nothing else but polite conversation with WH but he's been trying to push it and yesterday he succeeded in making me mad and I SOOO regret it. Because I know he walked off thinking to himself, yeah well, I was so right to leave her, OW is way better etc, and then he goes back to OW and tells he what a bitch I've been which only makes her feel better and safer with him. I know they talk about me because when I was snooping in the mad bad days I saw messages on his phone.
I've seen how powerful having a mutual enemy can be. It's like a hobby with strong emotions attached. WH has a cousin whose marriage is more or less built on mutual hatred of their exes. I kid you not. They met each other soon after acrimonious break ups and bonded so strongly over their ex partners it was a big factor in their feeling close to each other.
Yesterday I went out to dinner with girlfriends and got home a bit tipsy hoping WH would just leave immediately, but he started to tell me about a leak in the ceiling he's noticed and how he's organised a plumber to come today and how he's going to be at the house in the afternoon to let him in etc is that ok. I was thrown by this and am unhappy with him being in the house - it doesn't feel right.
I was trying to make myself a drink, when my favourite mug broke, at the same time that WH told me that his parents noticed it when they were here, last week. This, for some reason, made me really mad - why did the in-laws tell him about it and not me? In effect, this is now my house. So I got really short with him and grumpy and he literally was "Sheesh! I'm just trying to do a good thing, what's wrong with you?" I tried to explain it away by telling him about my mug and how it annoyed me that his parents chose not to say anything to me, and he pointed out rightly that neither thing has nothing to do with him. And then left in a huff. I kicked myself all the way up to bed. That was not saintly, fragrant behaviour. Sigh.
It also made me inexplicably angry that he's trying to do the 'right' thing now over a stupid bathroom but won't do the right thing for his family. That enraged me for a good ten minutes.
This morning I tried to claw back some of the saintly facade. I sent him a message trying to validate him - saying thanks for organising the plumber, and sorry I was short. No response. Am just going to leave it now.
We're supposed to talk tonight about the divorce settlement. Am totally freaking out about it. It will be the first conversation I will have with him that's not in passing. Help!
