Wife with Neighbor Across the Street

[Gordie]

So some of the issues you mentioned:

1. Getting her pregnant when you weren't married and she was still a teenager and wanting an abortion, though she didn't get one

2. Not marrying her...even after she had your child...and when you did marry her, it was five years later and at the justice of the peace (no ceremony, reception, etc.)

3. Various threats of or actual infidelity (on both of your parts)

4. She wants another baby...and to date, you have not been willing to give her one (though that's now under discussion)

And that's just in your introductory post. I'm sure there's a lot more that you haven't told us.

First, I'm proud that you have an awareness and ownership of some of the issues you contributed to where your M is today. That's a great first step.

Second, believe your W when she says she is confused...the most disturbing thing she said is she wants to see what else is out there...many of us here have heard the same.

Third, on the surface both of you seem to be giving each other contradictory messages: she says she is confused and is willing to go to a church marriage program...yet is sleeping with the across the street neighbor; you say you love her more than anything and could forgive her...yet you are the one who pulled the D trigger quickly/filed for D.

Fourth, you want answers to your list of seven questions. As a relative newbie with little information from you, I'm going to throw it back to you: what do you want to do and why? Only you are living in your shoes and know the details of your situation. There are generally two schools of thought, a softer one (re-build a relationship and connection) and a harder one (tough love at least until the affair is over...sandi2's rules). Only you will know the right approach. If you have the resources to do the DB coaching, you may want to consider that as talking to a live person (in contrast to an anonymous message board) can be invaluable.