Not as detached as I hoped I was. Got texts from wife this morning. Business like, taxes, cell phone. And told me to finish changing my bills out of the joint act, as she wants it closed after our taxes get deposited. Then W texted “If I file for divorce are you going to draw it out? Or do you think we can just agree on it?” I think a little part of me died a little. Again. I know I’ve been thinking about D, I know a piece of paper will not change my life, or what I have going on in my life. I know this. However I cannot help but feel…scared, Or hurt that My wife has got to be happy with SOW to want to D me. I loved her so much. I still do. I know there was no doubt in her mind how much I loved her. So it hurts that I couldn’t be the one she was happy with. I replied with “ I don’t want to divorce you. I still love you and D10. But if that’s what you want, I won’t fight it.” W has not replied. I hope she doesn’t. I just don't want to talk about it. If W wants this D she needs to file and I will deal with it tuff is getting real I guess. Time to make sure I have a belt for my big girl pants. It’s like all the failures and all the hopes and dreams of our Marriage are re-shattered. I don’t know. Trying to keep it together. Nothing will change after D. W and I will continue to live separate lives, and will not communicate. Nothing changes for cheesy. And then I think back to nov, when I last saw my wife. And how for the following week until thanksgiving she was remorseful and even asked if we could try counseling. Where in the world did those thoughts go?! I really thought we would work it out.
